10 Biggest Turn-Offs for Girls


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Nice Move

1. He Cries

The only times it’s acceptable for a man to cry is at a funeral or at his daughter’s wedding. I don’t want to see you tear up during a sad movie, your eyes better stay dry during a romantic song, and GOD FORBID you cry because something I said hurt your feelings. I can’t even. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, for the most part, men crying is like girls pooing. It doesn’t happen. And if you find out it does, and you haven’t already been bound to this person for all of eternity through marriage, you will be unable to look at each other with a feeling of anything but disgust. Men can get upset, but I prefer they deal with their emotions the old-fashioned way…by berating me or punching something. That way, I can have an emotional response (other than pity, AKA the unsexiest feeling in existence) and the situation can be alleviated without any of the humiliation that would come to both of us if we admitted out loud that a man was going soft (no pun intended).

hot piece of TSM

Hot Piece (@VeronicaGrandex) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Hot Piece has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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  1. 20
    Fraterick Southgate

    Only at a funeral or a wedding? Okay, I know this site is tryhard manly and all, but if I get a phone call that my dad just had a heart attack or got into an interstate pileup, I’ll probably let a few go. If my frathound dies, I’ll let a few go.
    Maybe you should try being human?

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 3 years ago
    • 6

      I’m assuming she was exaggerating for effect. Yes, there are handful of occasions other than weddings and funerals you guys can cry over, but she had a freakin’ point. For every guy crying over his dad’s heart attack (an acceptable reason to cry), there’s another douche crying because his slam called him a queer and it hurt his feelings.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 3 years ago
  2. 19

    Seriously? A guy can only cry at funerals and weddings? Because my step-dad is a fraternity man and the first time I saw him cry was 9/11 because he had brothers that worked at the world trade center and were on the missing list. He also cried when he gave the speech at my high school graduation, the day he and my mother held my baby sister as she died in their arms, the day we had to put down our dog, and the day he had to tell me my grandmother (his mom) had terminal cancer and there was nothing that could be done. None of these were funerals or weddings, but I don’t think most girls would see anything wrong with their guy crying at similar occasions. Do you?

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 3 years ago
  3. 5

    HP, I love your columns because they’re honest and they make me laugh. I don’t come on TSM looking for heartwarming stories about philanthropy or sisterhood or being a shining example of high standards and decorum, I live those things; I want to laugh about things that are awful and way too true, and possibly mock someone’s sloppy crafting “skills”. Unless you’re on payroll, this website should have nothing to do with your actual life. Go outside or something.

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 3 years ago
  4. 4

    What is going on with number 6? The five-o-clock shadow has long been established as the go-to facial hair of choice, followed closely by Dorn’s Sidney Crosby impersonation.

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 3 years ago

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