10 New Semester Resolutions You Can, And Should, Actually Keep


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New Year’s resolutions kind of suck. At this point they are not even promises that you plan on keeping for the entire year. Instead, New Year’s resolutions are often no more than a competition within your own brain to see how long you can make the first resolution on your list (and maybe the second, if you’re super dedicated) last. Every year I have a friend who’s New Year’s Resolution is to “stop drinking.” Everyone scoffs and rolls their eyes when she announces it. Our skepticism is only further proven relevant when this same girl is the first to pour herself a mimosa on New Year’s morning. So, instead of making super hypothetical, totally lame, completely unattainable New Year’s resolutions, here’s a list of 10 “New Semester” resolutions that are not only 100 percent doable, but can be modified to fit into your life as well.

1. Set an attainable GPA goal.
If you are typically a 2.75 GPA kinda girl that is totally cool, but aiming for a 4.0 this semester might not exactly be realistic. Instead of aiming for perfection only to be let down when you receive a B on your first test, set your goal GPA to something attainable, such as half a point above last semester’s GPA. Having an attainable goal will give you something to work for all the way through the semester’s end (Note: If you were blessed enough to have a 4.0 GPA last semester I just want to say “fuck you” from the rest of us in the most loving and congratulatory way possible)

2. Incorporate a healthy meal into your life at least twice a week.
Making a resolution to go vegan after living purely off hot wings and cheese burgers last semester might be a little rough. Instead of trying to go cold turkey, try and ease yourself into the clean eating life by making a new semester resolution to have at least two meals a week that include fresh veggies and other healthy shit. This way, you can still get some much needed vitamins but won’t hate yourself after drunkenly eating a slice (or five) of pizza.

3. Set a weekly/monthly workout goal.
College is busy as hell and promising yourself that you’re going to work out every day can be near impossible. Ease into the active lifestyle by setting aside an hour or two a couple times a week or even just a couple times a month to get out of “Netflix, wine, and Cheetos” mode. Not only will you get up and moving, but working out also releases positive endorphins making you feel better too. Sounds lame, but that shit is true.

4. Pencil two weekends into your calendar to just get away.
Whether you go to school in or out of state, college is the one time in your life where you have the opportunity to just get up and get the fuck out. Sometimes we get so caught up in the campus party scene that we fail to notice all of the amazing cities and sweet attractions around us until it’s too late. Take two weekends off this semester, grab a friend, and go explore. If you don’t do it now you’ll regret it later. I promise, the frat parties aren’t going anywhere.

5. Put 5 percent of all the money you make in a “Save for a Rainy Day” jar (DO NOT OPEN TILL END OF SEMESTER).
Never in high school did I have to beg my parents for money the way I have had to in college. Instead of spending every penny you earn on booze and clothes, throw as little as 5 percent in a jar and just forget about it for the time being. At the end of the semester you’ll have enough cash to treat yourself to something special you otherwise would have not been able to afford (concert tickets, plane ticket, Plan B).

6. Set yourself a weekly drink limit.
Let’s get real. We’re in college. Everyone and their mother drinks even if it’s just in a social setting. Cutting Long Island Iced Teas out of your life is kind of an abrupt breakup. So instead of saying a dramatic goodbye, set yourself a nightly/weekly drink limit (example: no more than three in a single night or no more than six a week).

7. Make a list of three “dump worthy” deal breakers to keep fuckboys away (and stay true to them).
We will all get caught up with a fuckboy at one time or another in college. It’s just inevitable. Make a list of three “deal-breaker” actions that, if executed by a guy, you swear to kick him to the curb for. I’m not talking stupid things like “orders Chinese when I am thinking (but haven’t verbally told him) I want Mexican.” I’m talking things like “blows off a date party less than twenty-four hours ahead of time.” You’re better than that.

8. Set a bedtime for one night a week.
In college it’s easy to get super caught up in intense FOMO and forgo sleep regularly just so you don’t miss anything. Pause. You NEED sleep to function normally, so set a reasonable bedtime for one night a week (or every other week) that you stick to. Guaranteed you will wake up feeling clear-headed and refreshed the next morning every time.

9. Call your family at least once a week.
Holy shit I can’t stress this one enough. We Skype our best friends from high school, text our first kiss to check in, and even do weird drunk shit like apologize to that girl who’s outfit we insulted once in 5th grade. We are on our phones constantly but somehow always forget to check in with the parents. You have absolutely no idea how much they miss you and would appreciate getting a phone call and hearing your voice instead of getting that automatic “I am still alive” text on the first of every month. Take five minutes a week to catch up and give the fam some love.

10. Be Beyoncé.
If you can achieve this all of your life problems will be solved.
**May not be exactly attainable, but what the hell. All resolutions are are dreams anyway right?

With all that being said, I’m going to use one of my limited number of drinks to say Cheers to a new semester, to (mostly) attainable goals, and to the ability to still be able to enjoy a fucking cheeseburger. Although we are all pretty damn great, we can all use a little new semester’s improvement. Unless you’re Beyoncé. Cause that bitch is flawless.

My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. blondeboozy@gmail.com xo

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