I’m a pretty positive, happy-go-lucky, fun-loving girl. Not a lot of things stress me out or make me mad because I don’t want to waste my life stressing over things that don’t matter. I’ve learned to roll with the punches, and laugh everything off. I like making new friends and making people feel included. So now that I’ve given you my Girl Scouts of America résumé, I have to be honest. There are some things that I just can’t handle, and these people make me so angry that I genuinely believe they have their name on the seating chart in hell.
Let’s begin, shall we?
People Who Ride Their Bikes In The Street When There Is A Sidewalk
I’ve recently learned that riding your bike on a sidewalk is illegal, but you know what? I don’t care. At all. Nothing infuriates me more than driving down the road only to encounter Mr. Bicycle Shorts pounding away at 10 MPH. So what if it’s illegal? Have you ever seen a police officer give a bicyclist a ticket for riding on the sidewalk? I haven’t. I’m going to guess they’ll give you a warning at most. So get out of my freaking way and don’t ride your mountain bikes in the middle of a suburban town road.
People Who Make Their Avis Snapchat Pictures That Include Writing/Filters
You mean you didn’t take that picture? You mean the energy coming from the Earth’s atmosphere wrote “I woke up like this” in thin air for everyone around you to see? You don’t actually drive around in your car with golden butterflies being magnetically attracted to your head as they kindly float around your brain?
If you aren’t on an oxygen tank, I shouldn’t be able to hear your oxygen intake. It’s repulsive and makes you sound like you are 100 years old. And if you are a mouth breather, for whatever reason, get out of my freaking space. Do not stand directly behind me like Brainy from Hey Arnold, because you know what’s going to happen.
The Spray Tan Lady Who Wants To Make Small Talk
Lady, can you not? I get it you’re just trying to be polite, but I think it’s more polite to just ignore everything that’s going on here. I don’t even like to look at my own nips, I know you’re not enjoying this, no matter how many boobs you’ve seen in your lifetime. You can see the parts of me that I don’t let anyone else see. I know you don’t really care what I do for a living, or if I have a boyfriend. I think my stubble pretty much answers that question for you.
Guys on Bumble/Tinder Who Only Post Group Pics, Then Turn Out To Be The Worst Looking One
I know what you’re trying to do to me, dude. You’re trying to trick me. And you think I don’t stalk you out the instant we match on all social media sites? HA. Right. You’re trying to catfish me on a dating site. I didn’t sign up for that. You’re manipulating me and letting me down. Making me hate you before I even meet you, not typically what you want out of a dating app.
People Who Refer To Their Children’s Age By Months
“She’s 24 months.” STOP. TALKING. Your child is two, and don’t you dare say it any other way than that. Don’t even say “oh she’s 19 months.” SHE’S ALMOST TWO. I didn’t do math in college, and I’m definitely not going to do it to figure out how old your child is. I only asked how old they were to be polite anyway, and if you give me an answer in month increments I will never pretend to be interested in your life ever again.
Old People Making Comments About Our Generation Being Addicted To Our Phones
I’m not addicted to my phone. I actually prefer not to be on it. But what I don’t prefer? Talking to old people about how I’m “always on my phone.” Maybe I’m always on my phone around you because you are always on my nerves and I don’t want to talk to you!
Drivers Who Don’t Turn Right On Red
I understand that not every state requires driver’s ed, and I have to come completely clean here and say that I failed my written test five times before I passed it, then failed my eye exam once I did pass it. So I’m not the greatest driver in the world, but everyone knows you can turn right on red. And if you aren’t turning get out of the freakin turning lane. I have places to be, and those places do not include sitting behind you at a red light when I could have already been to Starbucks by now.
The Bobbers And Weavers
You can see them coming from a mile away, yet they don’t find it necessary to take a step to the right or left until they are five feet in front of you. By that time your anxiety level has sky rocketed so you decide to make the first move. But they don’t give up without a fight. As soon as you step left, they step left. Then you both step right. Then you’re forced to apologize and have an awkward conversation that you didn’t want to have in the first place all because they couldn’t take the social cues to not to walk directly into me.
People Who Can’t Hang Out Because They Are “Wedding Planning” When Their Wedding Is Over 365 Days Away.
Can you really not come over and hang out at 9:00 PM on a Tuesday because you HAVE to place your flower orders tonight otherwise you won’t have them in time for your 2018 wedding? K.
So don’t be one of those people and we can be friends..
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