Ladies. We need to have a chat. We have a problem in our little sorority world. There are some of you out there who have this imaginary mandatory checklist of “sorority” things you think you need to cross off in order to be considered a sorority girl. It’s time to pull the reigns in.
I know I’m partially to blame here, along with the masses of “preppy” and “sassy southern” tumblr pages, but girlies, I have to say it. Believe it or not you can be yourself and still be in a sorority.
Ah, the classic sorority girl staple. I’m not sure who mandated pearls to be in composites everywhere for always and eternity, but I want to strangle him/her. Do pearls look great in composite photos? Yes. Are pearls a classic piece of jewelry that will never go out of style? Probably. Do you look like an idiot wearing a strand of pearls from Claire’s with your comfy outfit for class? Absolutely.
There is nothing, I repeat nothing, that makes me cringe harder than seeing a grown-up adult woman wearing a bow. While bows look adorable and stylish from birth to age ten, they just look plain silly on anyone else. I didn’t think it would come to this, but I will go to wherever you hooligans are buying these bows and slap “intended for ages 0-10” stickers on every single one of them. And what’s even worse is that some people wear them casually!!!! Like with a t-shirt!!! My eyes can’t handle this fashion misdemeanor. I can maybe let a very small bow under a high bun slip. Maybe. For the love of God let’s kill bows once and for all.
3. Using The Word “Classy”
Heard thrown around by your Standards chair before all events, or as a cheap insult, “classy” is a word that we all need to crumple up into a little ball, and hurl into the nearest trash can. I’ve never liked a girl who identified as classy, and I’ve never liked a girl who used it in her everyday vocab. Is anyone really, truly “classy”? If you reword it to, “have some class” you sound like the queen of England circa 1853. It’s a snooty word that only belongs in the mouth of someone in a movie set in a fictional country club. Ick.
Just look at that picture for me. Doesn’t it just scream, “Boys!!! Look at me!!! I’m holding a gun, I’m dateable! I’m one of you! Lol!”? Now don’t get me wrong here, if you truly enjoy hunting, hunt your heart out. Go shoot Bambi for all I care. But for those of you out there hunting because you think it’s a sorority rite of passage, step back from that gun, my friend. You don’t have to do this.
I hope you can feel my eyes rolling through whichever screen you’re reading this on. Usually decked out in a monogrammed PFG, “fishing girl” could care less about actually fishing. Fishing girl is very similar to hunting girl in that she wants to look more relatable to potential suitors. As previously stated, if you actually enjoy fishing as a pastime (why? lol), carry on.
6. Lilly Pulitzer
Put down the knives people, I’m one of you. Please don’t go crazy with Lilly Pulitzer. Small doses is the key here. I think most girls who wear Lilly just think they’re supposed to like the overdone, outdated, hideously overpriced brand. Other than Easter or attending the actual Kentucky Derby, I see no place that a Lilly Pulitzer dress would be acceptable. I beg of you, please accept 2016 and its fashion. On a side note: the Lilly agenda is one of the bests in the game.
7. The Need To Be Southern
I have one question for you: why? As a quote unquote “southern girl,” I get it. The South is a pretty cool place. The culture however, has seemed to seep into a lot of brains of sorority girls everywhere as the only acceptable lifestyle. You don’t have to wear boots! You don’t have to drink out of mason jars! Be released from the shackles! You’re free!
8. “Frat Daddy”
I don’t need to say much here. If you refer to your significant other who is in a fraternity as your “frat daddy” and you’re not joking, you’re the worst human.
9. Feeling Like You Need To Be A Republican
This often perplexes me that the thought of being anything other than a ~conservative~ is so nightmarish. Since when do we all have to agree on everything? We all have different brains, upbringings, and beliefs. You wanna vote for Hillary? Good for you. Jeb Bush got your vote? Cool! Go politics!
10. Poorly Painted “Crafts”
Oh man. This one makes my head spin. Firstly, I need to get something off my chest. Painting a canvas was never, and will never be a “craft.” That is a painting. You are doing something called painting, not crafting. Secondly, I love the gesture of a homemade gift, but yikes, you guys. I’ve never seen a “you are the salt to my tequila” canvas that didn’t resemble the handwriting of a fourth grader. Will it ever end?
It had to be said..