My name is single college student ALSO not looking for a relationship. I’m writing this letter because I’m becoming increasingly more aware of the fact that you think for some reason I am obsessed with you. Now don’t get me wrong you’re a great person, and I love the thing we have going on here, but that’s all it is, a thing, and I think we need to get that straight. You’ve been acting really strange lately, telling me I’m getting too attached and I just want to clarify a few things:
1. I make you coffee in the morning because I am also making myself coffee, not because I love you. I only know how to make your coffee because you told me one time how you liked it, and I remembered, because I am not a goldfish.
2. I do not leave things in your room to ensure I get to come back. I’m human, and I forget things. Also, texting me that I left a hair tie on your floor does not make me look crazy. I’m not going to haul ass over to your place at any point over one hair tie. I’ve lost more hair ties than you’ll ever see.
3. Becoming friends with your friends does not mean I’m trying to edge into your life by gaining allies. It means we hang out with your friends.
4. No, I don’t need this to be “anything official.” You’re the one that keeps bringing it up and insisting I need it.
5. No I don’t want you to meet my mom. Stop asking me this like it’s a trap.
6. Just because I landed on “Gilmore Girls” when you told me it was my turn to pick a Netflix show does not mean I want you to be my Luke. You could NEVER be Luke so stop even talking like that could be what I am insinuating. I just fucking love “Gilmore Girls.”
7. Not answering your texts right away isn’t me trying to distance myself because I’m falling for you. I had a chem exam and then a team meeting. Get over yourself.
8. I brought my toothbrush with me because I generally stay the night. I do not plan on leaving it here, but I do plan on leaving your apartment tomorrow with fresh breath.
9. I bought your favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s because I knew you were coming and I knew I’d want ice cream.
10. Finally, knowing personal stuff about you comes from hanging out with you a lot. This, by no means, shows that I want a relationship with you. It shows that I have ears and I can use them. Please stop thinking every girl you hook up with more than once is going to fall in love with you. You’re looking a little desperate and a lot self-absorbed.