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12 Reasons You Really Should Be Masturbating

oyster

It’s the 21st century and as proud as I am about the progress this world has made, there are still a few things that piss me right off. Why do I have to hide my tampons from boys? Why isn’t my cell phone always charged? But most importantly, why do I have to be ashamed that I masturbate? If you even mention the word masturbate to some people, you’ll have them sprinting away. I’m sick of it. You literally have the ability to get yourself off and if you’re not taking advantage of that, I don’t want to know you. If more women started appreciating this gift, we could start being a lot less dependent on men. Relying on yourself to reach the big O instead of a dude has so many freaking benefits.

  1. There are no expectations.
    And that means there is no disappointment. Give it your best shot and there’s only room for improvement.
  2. No feelings are involved.
    You never have to worry about yourself not liking yourself back, because that doesn’t even make sense.
  3. There’s no one to awkwardly text afterwards.
    And there’s no overthinking and having your friends double check each and every word. That shit is tiring.
  4. Walk of shames are a thing of the past.
    After your moment of self-love, walk away like the powerful woman you are.
  5. No chance of pregnancy.
    Although mini-clones of yourself would be a gift to this world.
  6. No chance of STD’s.
    As if this isn’t reason enough?
  7. Do it whenever and wherever you please.
    You have the ability to twiddle your cliddle at any time. Just make sure you’re alone and there’s no chance of your roommate walking in. The shower is a prime location too.
  8. It’s all about you.
    It’s too complicated having to worry about two people finishing. This way you can ensure the attention is all on you, for once.
  9. The health benefits.
    Endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine. Stress-relief, better sleep, pain relief. Need I say more?
  10. The gadgets.
    If you haven’t explored a sex shop or the back aisles of Spencer’s, it’s time.
  11. You learn what you like.
    So if some lucky boy does get up to the plate, you can show him how to hit it out of the park.
  12. If you ever find yourself in a threesome…
    Well, you get it.

Go forth and fuck yourselves.

Image via Shutterstock

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Blackout_B

Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was.

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