14 Things Guys Think We Love, But We Don’t


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Nice Move

  1. Guys that are super buff.
    Like protein powder, jug of water toting, hashtag fitness fit.
  2. A single red rose.
    That’s only okay for “The Bachelor,” or “The Phantom of the Opera.”
  3. A really big you-know-what.
  4. And sex that lasts all night.
    Double ouch.
  5. Jewelry.
    Chances are we’re not going to like that heart shaped pendant necklace.
  6. Stuffed animals on Valentine’s Day.
    Why? Why would I want a children’s toy I’ll throw away in a month?!
  7. Getting in a fist fight over you.
    Step off the roids, bro.
  8. Or “defending” you by yelling at another guy for giving you attention.
    Please breathe. Relax.
  9. Being intentionally emotional.
    We know you really don’t want to watch “The Notebook.” It’s okay.
  10. Sending surprise pictures of your genitalia.
    Don’t send that unless we ask for it. Which we probably won’t.
  11. Trying to get ~creative~ in the bedroom too soon.
    Hey I just met you, and this is crazy.
  12. Putting a label on things.
    I feel like I literally just swiped right.
  13. Pet names.
    “Hey sugar pie sweetie honeysuckle pooh bear darlin’, can I buy you a drink?”
  14. Getting showered in compliments.
    After awhile it’s not special. Tell me I look beautiful after I’ve spent hours perfecting my hair. Or when I feel fat.


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