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- My Mom Found My Twitter And I Think I Have To Flee The Country
- If I did cardio I would also have to wash my hair, and that just wasn’t an option. Because of the environment. And global warming. Or whatever.
- I was making a financially smart decision to utilize every opportunity I had to eat free food on campus. It’s called economics.
- My friend passed out before we finished all of the pizza, and what type of “friend” would I be had I let that go to waste? A bad one.
- I was too broke to afford a nicer winter coat but more body fat gave me extra insulation.
- There’s no “Frat Free Zone” at the campus gym.
- It wouldn’t have felt right to have anyone else eat all the candy that my big gave me.
- The lulu leggings that I wore everyday provided a surprisingly generous amount of stretch.
- When a cute boy offers you drunchies, you take them both and never let go.
- I didn’t want to set my alarm early in the morning to go workout because it would’ve been really inconsiderate to wakeup my roommate. #Respect
- I’m positive that if I didn’t stress eat that whole bag of pizza rolls I wouldn’t have been mentally stable enough to take my math exam. Hello? Brain food!
- The dining hall had both chocolate and vanilla ice cream and I don’t think that fitting it into all three of my meals was excessive at all.
- Dancing at the bar was kinda the same thing as going to Zumba class or whatever, right?
- I really wanted to bond with my sisters, and nothing says “life long friendship” quite like daily froyo.
- I assumed that most of the weight I gained just went to my boobs, because my bras don’t fit anymore. So like, it’s fine.
- I would gain it all over again if it meant I got to relive my freshman year..
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