If you want to sleep with me, the number one compliment you should give me is that I smell good. Not that anyone reading this would particularly benefit from that, just putting it out there. Why? Because it’s a compliment someone gives you unconsciously. They don’t have to do it. They’re so entranced by the aroma I give off that they literally can’t help themselves from showering me with words of splendor and praise. Or at least that’s what I tell my completely sane self.
I mean, the way you smell says a lot about you. Science says it impacts the way people perceive you, too. Are you the sultry musky vixen? People think you have a secret dominatrix fetish. Are you a walking bottle of vanilla extract? People want you to give up trying to be a Victoria’s Secret model. Are you a field full of flowers and daisies? People think you should go back to Coachella so they can stop coughing all day and start breathing through their nose again. The list goes on and on. Still looking for a signature summer scent? Try one of these:
- Aloe vera and post-bonfire hair
- Sunburn and bad decisions
- Day old spilled Rosé on white jeans
- Fresh cut grass and Natty Light
- Your hometown ex’s bedroom
- Malibu. Just Malibu.
- Coconut and chlorine
- Overpriced tanning oil and salt
- ~Romance~
- Wet towel and Froyo
- Jergens and “Sweet Mist Beach Tan Sunshine Butterflies Waterfall & Pomegranate” Yankee candles
- Empty wine bottles and sweat
- The inside of Starbucks
- The inside of Chipotle
- The inside of your house
- Pickup truck exhaust and sex
- Sand and regret
Happy spritzing!.
Nice Move188
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Drunk but not in love
(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to [email protected]
@DrunkNOTinLove
