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18 Things You Didn’t Want To Know (Or Totally Wanted To Know) About Porn

Parents Porn

It’s the romantic comedy for sex. The thing that takes most people from zero to “let’s get naked” in seconds flat. The reason why your boyfriend takes his laptop into the bathroom with him.

Porn. We love it, we hate it, we hate that we love it, or love to hate it. However you feel about the stuff, you have to admit, it’s kind of a big deal. And it’s not just us, unfortunately, who like to watch people get it on. Our parents, friends, sisters, brothers, grandparents, and significant others are all furiously typing their fantasies into the search bar whenever they want a few minutes of “me” time. Since we’re all doing it, the website of all porn websites shared some of our (and our parents’) dirty little secrets with the world and they. are. shocking.

According to Pornhub, we’re all a bunch of sick-os.

  1. 60 percent of porn-watching millennials watch it on their smartphones.
    Makes you think twice about using your boyfriend’s phone without washing your hands.
  2. Whereas only 42 percent of our parents do because they prefer to go old(ish) school.
    Whatever you do, don’t check their computer history.
  3. 24 percent of 18-34 year olds who watch porn are female.
    And 76 percent of ladies are really missing out. 
  4. 21 percent of 35+ porn watchers are our moms.
    I blame “50 Shades of Grey.”
  5. Us youngins get off in about 9 minutes and 10 seconds.
    Which is still longer than expected (which is also what she said).
  6. The older folks take over a minute longer (10 minutes and 15 seconds to be exact).
    Try to forget you know that now.
  7. We tend to log on between 11 p.m. and midnight.
    You know, the time when we should be getting it in with actual, human people.
  8. While our parents tend to spank the monkey between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m.
    Which means literally never call them at this time.
  9. Incest porn is apparently becoming a thing.
    Which proves that there’s literally no hope for our future.
  10. Lesbian porn is the number one searched item amongst all watchers.
    I just like the story lines, okay?
  11. Things like ‘teacher,’ ‘party,’ and ‘college’ were searched by millennials.
    Classic.
  12. Whereas ‘cougar,’ ‘wife swap,’ ‘granny’ and ‘amateur wife’ were searched by the older group.
    At least it’s age appropriate…?
  13. Our age group likes to get off to cartoons.
    Also known as ‘Hentai.’ Also known as something our parents will never understand. 
  14. Kim Kardashian is the number one searched celebrity sex tape.
    Surprised? No. Disturbed? Very.
  15. And “big butts” are among the top hits of the site.
    Thanks again for that, Kim. 
  16. We all visit the site the most on Mondays.
    Because nothing cures a case of the Mondays like an old-fashioned love tug.
  17. And the least visited day is Saturday.
    Because hopefully we’re all with someone, or too drunk to realize that we aren’t with someone. 
  18. Your parents get off just as much as you do.
    So just remember, never, ever check their search history.

Hey, at least we’re all gross. Enjoy your self love with a side of porn, and whatever you do, always use some hand sanitizer after borrowing your parent’s laptop. Safety first, kids.

[via Pornhub, Cosmopolitan]

Image via Shutterstock

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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