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20 Things Girls Who Are Not Even A Little Bit Athletic Can Relate To

Non-Athletic Girls

Girls can fit into many different categories: blonde versus brunette, Elle Woods versus Vivian Kensington, those who wear bras versus those who need to but don’t. When it comes to physicality, the athlete versus non-athlete dichotomy says more about a person than her 20 most recently played songs on iTunes. Here’s how you know you fall into the latter.

  1. You wear Norts solely because the neon makes you look tan.
  2. People have stopped assuming you’re at the gym when you answer the phone out of breath. They know good and well you’re just climbing a flight of stairs.
  3. Your favorite sport is shopping the sale rack at Nordstrom.
  4. You’ve memorized at least one player’s name from each of your hometown sports teams despite not giving a shit about them, the sport, or their “RBIs.”
  5. If there was an exercise named after you, it would be “Snapchat while watching Food Network on the Treadmill.”
  6. Real female athletes scare the shit out of you.
  7. You’ve mastered the art of wearing workout clothes in public so people think you’re going to the gym, even though you have zero intention to do so.
  8. You count the sweat you work up getting ready in the morning as a workout.
  9. “Oh, the party is more than a half-mile walk from here? I’ll just stay in with Netflix.”
  10. You could write a how-to book on coming up with excuses not to work out.
  11. You’re not about that broken nail life.
  12. Your brackets for any and every sports tournament are based on which team has the best looking players.
  13. You consider being forced to play a competitive land sport with guys watching worse than corporal punishment.
  14. “I’ll just be the cheerleader!”
  15. You’re pretty sure that you being a lifeguard would cause deaths rather than prevent them.
  16. You’ve been known to hyperventilate and have anxiety attacks while watching sports on TV.
  17. Hair curling = arm workout. #realtalk
  18. Your softball uniform is probably still buried in your backyard from when you stashed it there to avoid practice back in second grade.
  19. People have stopped asking you to take group fitness classes with them because they don’t appreciate the sarcastic laughing fit anymore.
  20. What the fuck does Dri-FIT mean anyway?

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com

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