21 Flirting Techniques That Are Ruining Your Game


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Nice Move


  1. Trying to seduce him by eating penis-shaped foods such as corndogs and popsicles. Because apparently, sloppy is the new sexy.
  2. Being a total bitch to him. This will make you come off as “hard to get.”
  3. When you want to do a background check, you stalk the fuck out of him on social media. And then you mention every detail from his online autobiography when you see him to show you were interested enough to do your homework.
  4. You flip your hair. A lot. Even when it gets in your mouth.
  5. Low key dressing like a hooker. A high class one, but still. Wearing your shirt extra low so he can get a nice look at your tits or showing that “extra skin” by wearing a skin-tight skirt that makes your ass hang out. It makes him use his imagination to think about what’s underneath. Maybe nothing?!
  6. You agree with literally everything he says. Guys love when you don’t have your own opinion, but do have the same interests.
  7. Flirting with one of his friends to make him jealous? Yeah, that’s your shit right there. He will love how well you get along with his friends and see how desirable you are. Will he be afraid that you might blow one of them in the back of their car? Sure. But that’s the point, right?
  8. You text him ALL of the time. Otherwise he will forget you exist. And on his lucky days, you should call him to make him feel special. The more times, the better.
  9. Never break eye contact. Stare deep into his dreamy eyes even if it is clearly making him uncomfortable.
  10. The first time you meet him you need to touch him A LOT (especially his arms) and if you are feeling bold, grab his ass so he understands you want more than friendship.
  11. And you never forget to do that special tongue trick when you make out with him for the first time. A first kiss will declare whether the two of you mesh well or not.
  12. You tell him some, if not all, of your insecurities. He should love how vulnerable you are being.
  13. You send him dorky Snapchats of you and your bestie singing throwbacks in the car to make him think you are always cute and funny.
  14. Don’tStopToTakeABreath. TalkHisEarsOffSoHeReallyGetsToKnowYou.
  15. You take full advantage of the situation when he offers to buy you a drink. You get as many as possible until you puke your guts up. If you fuck up flirting with him, you can just blame it on the fact that you were sOoOooOooO drunk.
  16. A little trickery never hurt anyone. Of course you always wake up looking like a Blake Lively clone. You don’t secretly brush your teeth and hair and do your makeup before he wakes up.
  17. You talk about what you want in a future husband right away. He needs to get an idea of what you are looking for and should aspire to be that man.
  18. And honestly? It’s never a bad idea to talk about your ex a lot either. He needs to know why you “have trust issues.”
  19. Keep winking and seductively grinning at him from across the room.
  20. You laugh at everything he says. Having a good sense of humor is such an admirable trait.
  21. And you mess with his head to seem mysterious. Confusion is a power move. Playing games is your lifestyle.

It’s time to cut the shit and stop doing these dumb techniques. Just keep it simple and be yourself.

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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