1. Are you aware that my bra is not a Rubik’s Cube? Because you seem to be having some issues, and I’m concerned.
2. Do you know that you are contractually obligated to snuggle with me for at least an hour if you’re going to bend my legs like that?
3. Do I have a double chin from this angle?
4. Would you even care/notice if I did?
5. Do you make a genuine effort to mess up my hair? Because these curls are ruined, and it’s your fault.
6. Why is it necessary to say “yeah” in a caveman fashion every three seconds?
7. Do you pretend I’m someone else when we’re doing it doggy style?
8. Is it your ex?!
9. Why do you keep asking me for butt sex? The answer is no, always.
10. Exactly how many details of this romp are you going to disclose to your friends? Because I plan on telling my best friend about, like, 100% of what’s happening right now.
11. Do you look at our buttholes when we do it a la canine?
12. Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t even want to know.
13. Speaking of doggy style, what do we look like from back there? I’ve always wanted to know.
14. Why is shower sex even a thing? It’s slippery, it’s awkward, and no mascara is waterproof enough for that kind of endeavor.
15. If you’re going to spank me, could you at least cough at the same time to muffle the sound? I have roommates.
16. You know I’m not making you a sandwich after this, right?
17. Why do you want to put your fingers in my mouth? Is what is happening here seriously not enough for you?
18. I think it’s really cute when you say my name. Could you do it more often, please?
19. Why do you keep looking at my boobs like they’re about to spit confetti? They’re just boobs. I don’t understand the hype.
20. Why do you want to bone them when my vagina is legitimately twelve inches away. Just… why?
21. Are you thinking about anything in particular? I’m imagining it’s just an array of grunts and moans, but I can’t be sure..