21 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say To A Redhead


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21 Things You Probably Shouldn't Say To A Redhead

  1. “Is that your natural hair color?”
    What if everyone asked this question of blondes? It would be anarchy.
  2. “You’re not, like, a ginger though. You’re more of a redhead.”
    Same thing, asshole.
  3. “Can I touch your hair?”
    Can I punch your face?
  4. “Do you think you’ll have ginger babies?”
    I hope not.
  5. “So, I guess your boyfriend has a thing for redheads.”
    Or he just likes who I am, you know, as a person.
  6. “I wish I could pull it off.”
    Don’t really have a choice, but thanks, I guess.
  7. “Does everyone in your family have red hair?”
  8. “Do you sunburn easily?”
    Go fuck yourself.
  9. “Do you ever get hit on by guys with creepy redhead fetishes?”
    All the time. Don’t want to talk about it.
  10. “You’re actually really pretty for a ginger.”
    This is not a compliment. Like, at all.
  11. “Can I call you red?”
    I REALLY wish you wouldn’t.
  12. “You should marry Ed Sheeran.”
    Tell him that. He won’t respond to my letters.
  13. “Have you ever hooked up with a redheaded guy?”
    Have you ever hooked up with a brunette?
  14. “I’m guessing you’re Irish?”
    Bite me.
  15. “My friend is a redhead, but it’s fake.”
    Yeah, I can tell, and so can everyone else.
  16. “I’ve never had sex with a ginger.”
    Probably because you say shit like that.
  17. “Why don’t you have a ton of freckles?”
    I do, actually, but no one gets close enough to notice. You know, for fear of catching gingervitis.
  18. “Do you ever think about dyeing it?”
    And miss out on all of these invasive, personal questions? …yes.
  19. “You look just like the Little Mermaid.”
    I’m about a hundred pounds heavier and five times uglier, but thanks.
  20. “Do you get mad really easily?”
    Only when people ask me a thousand questions about my hair.
  21. “LOL, you don’t have a soul.”
    Fuck South Park.

Image via Shutterstock

This column was originally published on July 21, 2015.

Lucky Jo is much less medicated than her mother and sister, and she tends to think that’s a good thing. She's the newest full-time addition to the Grandex office, which is probably why they gave her the shittiest desk. In her free time she enjoys scaring small children, judging her peers, and condescendingly talking to GDIs at Starbucks. Follow her on twitter for cat memes and complaints. Email her at lucy@grandex.co.

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