It’s a Girl-Eat-Girl world out there. Trying to lock down a guy is like trying to lock down plans with Becky, and everyone knows she’s the biggest flake there is. All of us get grouped into one giant lump that guys think are all the same. But you’re nothing like those girls. You know it, but they don’t know that. But you have to make sure that they know immediately, otherwise he won’t even bother trying to get to know you.
- Talk about all the sex you have and love.
Loudly and often.
- Drink beer.
Fuck a vodka cran, you are a real woman.
- Stop wearing bras.
Is that your nipple peaking through your shirt? Oops, oh well. You don’t care.
- Talk about how much you smoke.
You don’t have to actually do it, but as long as they think you do, you’re in.
- Consider yourself a “non-sorority sorority girl.”
You’ve only made 3 coolers, you live with your little, and own only one thing that’s monogrammed. That barely counts as a “sorority girl.”
- Mention that weird thing how you can’t make yourself throw up.
Translation: no gag reflex.
- Have opinions about sports.
And if you don’t know anything, fake it ’til you make it.
- Wear flats when you go out.
Who needs heels to be alluring and attractive? Not you!
- Join conversations about how hot other girls are.
You’re not jealous. Not at all. Keep talking about her perfect Ds while you’re fucking standing right there with above average Cs. It’s fine.
- Laugh at Harambe jokes.
They are SO FUNNY ALL OF THE TIME ALWAYS.
- Pretend like you can’t even name the Kardashians.
Let him know that you have more important things to think about. Like his dick.
- Wear a choker.
It screams “I’ll try anything once. Anything.”
- Denounce “basic girl” stuff.
“Starbucks? I don’t even drink coffee. I’m so different!”
- Don’t wear a lot of makeup out.
But wear at least mascara, eyeliner, foundation, highlighter, and bronzer. You don’t want him to confuse you for a bridge troll.
- Curse incessantly.
Ladies don’t curse, but you ain’t no fuckin’ lady.
- Instagram a candid of you and your friends and reference the “dysfunction” in the caption.
You’re not one of those regular girls who pose for pictures. You’re quirky and different.
- Blast rap music in your car with the windows down.
Then take snapchats of you lip syncing all the words. So cool!
- Smize in pictures.
- Constantly surround yourself with guy friends.
Super chill, not intimidating at all. Just guys being dudes. But with sexual tension.
- Eat food.
You like pizza? Groundbreaking.
- Just tell him.
He’ll totally believe you..