24 Signs You’re A Frat Rat


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When I was a young girl I had a fascination with mermaids. My life basically revolved around their existence. I just wanted to be the embodiment of The Little Mermaid. As I grew older, my goals of being a mermaid faded and seemed immature in retrospect. But when I walked into the rickety doors of my now favorite fraternity for the first time, the same little girl with the outlandish infatuation came to the surface. Much like Ariel, I wanted to be a part of their world. I thought my days of obsessions were left behind with my other juvenile behaviors, but before I knew it, I had become a full fledged groupie.

  1. People depend on you to know what their social calendar is.
  2. When people ask who you know in the fraternity it results in you naming a handful of people and dreading the question of how you know each one.
  3. You can be found there every time they have a party. Rain, snow, fucking tornado, you will make an appearance.
  4. You’re not here to make friends, you’re here to win sweetheart.
  5. You have a drawer dedicated just to the clothes you’ve acquired from that one organization.
  6. A t-shirt feels like a trophy for a job well done (a gold one if it’s long-sleeved or a sweatshirt).
  7. Whenever you see their letters on campus, you get a little excited.
  8. You anxiously hope to be paired up with them for homecoming or Greek Week.
  9. You want their letters. You need their letters. You DESERVE their letters.
  10. There’s one really hot guy you always see at parties. You just need to gain the courage to make your move.
  11. You’ve navigated your way to/from their houses in every state: drunk, sober, and hungover the morning after.
  12. Sometimes you wish you were a guy just so you could pledge them.
  13. Even though you’re single, part of you considers yourself to be in a VERY committed relationship with them.
  14. You didn’t believe in love at first sight until you first stepped foot through their doors.
  15. You automatically hate any other competition, whether it be from a girl, sorority, or rival fraternity.
  16. Painting their coolers has educated you on their colors and symbols, and how much you hate painting coolers.
  17. You’ve tried stealing a composite.
  18. You’ve tried stealing anything you can get your hands on.
  19. There have been multiple times when you’ve strolled in alone, no shame. Ok, maybe a little shame.
  20. You’ve wondered if you should keep a toothbrush and a change of clothes in their chapter house.
  21. You have been asked for rush boobs.
  22. When you finally arrive at their parties, it feels like home. A home with beer lined floors infested with drunken hormone-driven college students, but a home nonetheless.
  23. You’ve had arguably your best, and your worst nights of college at their parties.
  24. Your friends like to ridicule you for your obsession, but you take pride in your commitment.

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On an average day you can find me awkwardly asking to pet dogs, searching through frat houses to find my missing wallet, and sending apology texts to the innocent victims from the evening before. Still navigating my way through undergrad life, and enjoying every drunken and confusing second of it. email me at : drunkandconfused@gmail.com if you have any breaking news/funny stories or if you want to fill me in as to what I did last night...

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