1. You spent the first 45 minutes of your study session going through and calculating all of your grades, and unless you get a ZERO on the final, you are going to pass with a B- or better.
2. Long hours and late nights give you a valid excuse to overeat whatever you want, so bring on the Chipotle and dig in, guilt-free.
3. Stress and tanning both give you wrinkles. You know you’re not going to quit tanning, so you need to cut stress from your life instead.
4. Your younger sister already got her grades back, and you’re going to look great in comparison when you show your parents.
5. You’re honestly too pretty for math.
6. What you do during a night at the bar on a regular basis is way more likely to have negative consequences than what you do during a night at the library.
7. Whether you ace your exam or fail it, Snooki will always be richer than you are.
8. I failed (as in got an ‘F’ in) Computer Science 101 — the easiest computer class offered — and now I work for the Internet.
9. Your number one career choice has always been marriage anyway.
10. Starbucks is open 24 hours, and who can stress when you have Starbucks?
11. There are more pressing issues in the world than your finals — like the fact that your ex is in this library somewhere.
12. No one ever died from getting a 68% on their “History of Rock and Roll” exam…unless maybe they live in China.
13. You have gone through this every single semester since the sixth grade, and it’s never a big deal.
14. Interviewers care about charismatics as much as resumes, and you’re really pretty, so you’ve got that in the bag.
15. Finals are almost never cumulative. If your final is cumulative, your professor is a miserable fuck, so at least you can revel in the fact that he or she never gets laid.
16. Breakouts weren’t cute in middle school, and they’re DEFINITELY not cute now.
17. Your little’s best friend is the Academics Chair, so you always have someone to sign you into study hours.
18. When your final is over, so is this wretched class.
19. If you aren’t that smart, your major (and your finals) are probably a joke.
20. If you are really smart, you won’t have trouble acing your finals.
21. There’s a test bank, you idiot.
22. If you fail all your classes, you get to stay in school longer.
23. Just like with their number of sex partners, if most people even remember their GPAs after college, they lie about them.
24. Your husband is sitting somewhere right now, acing his finals, which is really all that matters.
25. You get to drink until you can’t stand when this is all over. You’ve earned it.
Nice Move195
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
@VeronicaRuckh
@VeronicaRuckh
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