So you’ve just ingested enough Adderall to kill a Triple Crown winner, and the only thing standing between you and two weeks of blissful laziness at home are five painful exams. While studying should be the obvious activity on your agenda, let’s be honest, here’s what you’ve done instead of study for finals:
1. Cleaned your room. Like really, really cleaned your room. It hasn’t been this spotless since house tours during recruitment.
2. Created a million new, unnecessary Pinterest boards. In reality, Pinterest could be condensed into two categories: stuff you’ll never wind up actually crafting, and stuff you’ll never actually wind up cooking, but who cares? You’ve pinned so many Vera Wang gowns onto your new secret wedding board that at this point you’ve forgotten you’re single.
3. Gotten most of your holiday shopping done online. You started out by browsing as a quick study break, but now you’ve gotten almost everyone on your shopping list taken care of.
4. Shamelessly stalk everyone you know on Facebook. Nothing is more entertaining than finding the high school prom pictures of the guy who invited you to his fraternity’s Christmas date party last week.
5. Pack for your trip home, even though you don’t leave for another five days.
6. Unpack because you realize you hate every single piece of clothing you’ve put into your suitcases.
7. Laundry. All of your laundry is done. You’ve actually folded everything and put it away for once, too.
8. Taken so many trips to Starbucks you feel a sudden kindred spirit in the barista.
9. Figured out how to organize your Facebook news feed so the word “engaged” cannot show up unless you turn your filters off. Your self-esteem can only take so much, after all.
10. Gone to the gym. I mean, in reality, this probably would have been a productive and energy-boosting study break if you had been studying in the first place.
11. Gone tanning. Nobody likes to get off the plane in their hometown feeling pale and unloved.
12. Spent three hours in a deep, downward spiral on Instagram. All you wanted to do was check your newsfeed, but then you came across that kind of pretty, kind of boring girl who graduated from your high school a few years before you did. She is now married and living in some gorgeous house, documenting her perfect little life one filtered picture at a time.
13. Called your mom. Nobody’s down to chat like everyone’s favorite housewife. She is anxiously awaiting your return so you two can lunch, shop, and get your hair and nails done together.
14. Called your grandmother, because you don’t do that often enough. Ten minutes in, she starts yelling at you for being single and you remember why you never call.
15. Gotten a quick mani-pedi. Obviously the reason you couldn’t focus on anything academic was because you were too busy worrying about the state of your cuticles. Plus, your Lincoln Park After Dark pedicure was way too dark to be considered festive. (Side note, I’m LOVING “The Spy Who Loved Me” right now. It’s red and glittery.)
16. Skyped with your high school bestie, who has also been avoiding studying like it has calories.
17. Created so many “study playlists” on iTunes that you’re convinced you might have actually opened a book, when in reality, you’ve just created the perfect blend of background music for your theoretical reading and note-taking.
18. Called your genius younger brother, who’s busy experimenting with drugs and getting A’s at Yale, and begged him to teach you Microeconomics in 45 minutes. Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.
19. Sent quite a few e-mails to your entire house in search of various articles of clothing and accessories that you’ve realized are no longer in your possession. You need them for winter break.
20. Made a mental note that you will never, ever let anyone borrow anything from you again. If you can’t figure out a way to get your skirt back before Sara goes to study in Paris next semester, you’ll hate EVERYONE.
21. Decided the only way you’d actually get anything done is by leaving the house and heading to the library. Unfortunately, there is a good chance that every single guy you’ve made out with while intoxicated this semester is there studying too, so you took a minute to put yourself together. You finally achieve a look that says, “I’m hot, but I don’t even care because I’m so focused on my grades,” after 45 minutes.
22. Spent 30 minutes finding a parking spot at the library. Apparently, it’s pretty happening during finals week.
23. Spent 20 minutes finding a place to sit at the library that isn’t too close to other people, but still allows you and your besties to get a good view of the Phi Psi guys.
24. Discovered that after all of this, you’ve left three of your five text books back at the house.
25. Realized the odds of you actually FAILING a course don’t exist. You’re probably going to be fine tomorrow, and worst case scenario, you’re not. C’s get degrees, after all, and the only super smart girl who’s ever been successful is Liz Lemon and nobody likes her. After this epiphany, you realize you still have a solid 4 hours until your Vyvanse wears off, so it’s back to Pinterest you go.
Nice Move184
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