1. Hair that’s not on your head.
   I want to take a razor (or even better, a laser) to any hair follicle below my eyebrows.
2. When he tickles you and you tense up and he gets a fistful of your belly rolls.
   Everyone has them, okay?! Even Kendall Jenner.
3. Having a longer second toe.
   *wears closed-toed shoes forever.*
4. His hot sister.
   Like, I know he’s not interested in her, but it’s just intimidating.
5. Nipples.
   Are mine too big? Too small? Too pointy?
6. The hair on the back of your thighs that grows in a million different directions and is consequently never smooth.
   Don’t go back there. It’s not safe.
7. Having long fingers.
   It looks like I have alien hands.
8. Having short fingers.
   It looks like I have sausage hands
9. The size of your head.
   It’s too small. It’s too big. It’s too.. weird?
10. Chipped nail polish.
    No guy is going to fuck me with my toenail polish chipped like this. I wouldn’t even fuck me with my toenail polish looking like this.
11. The way you eat.
    Don’t look at me, don’t look at me, don’t look at me…
12. Waking up with your mouth open.
    It’s called a deviated septum, okay?
13. Your knees.
    I honestly think mine are a thousand times wrinklier than everyone else’s and it’s the reason I know I’m dying alone.
14. Arm fat.
    If I flap my arms fast enough I’m absolutely positive they can lift me off the ground.
15. Split ends.
    *finds one split end.* I am an ugly troll and I should probably shave my head.
16. When you sneeze and that god awful sound comes out of your mouth.
    I have never wanted to shrivel up and die more than when I sneeze in a quiet room.
17. The redness around the corners of your nose.
    It’s hormonal and annoying.
18. Taking off your sunglasses and having those little rings around your nose where your foundation has rubbed off.
    *rubs sides of my nose.* Is it still there? *rubs away more foundation.*
19. Your bellybutton.
    It’s weird.
20. Having large knuckles.
    I should’ve listened to my mom and not started cracking my knuckles.
21. Pooping in public.
    There are only like four bathrooms in the world where I can do the deed.
22. Your calves.
    Are my calves actually man calves? I’d like to exchange them, please.
23. Eating unhealthy food in front of skinny people.
    I just can’t do it.
24.  The way you walk in heels.
    Am I doing this right? Do I look like Kendall or like a six-year-old playing dress up?
25. Your eye shape.
    I hate it. I think I need a brow lift. And a face lift. And a new face.
26. The length of your neck.
    Is there even a plastic surgery procedure for that?
27. Your vagina.
    Literally everything about it. Is it normal? If it’s not, don’t tell me. I don’t even want to know.

Being a girl is so much fun! .

Nice Move317

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Cristina Montemayor

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: [email protected] (not .com).

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