Sex is overrated. THERE. I said it. It’s tiring, sticky, awkward, often times if doesn’t feel that great, and you can’t really eat while doing it.
Do you know what’s not overrated? Binge watching television shows. But I don’t need to tell you that. You watch episodes like it’s your job. You push real life relationships aside to watch relationships on a screen. You have to know what’s happening next, and you have to know now. I get it, and thankfully, so does Comedy Central. In case you’re totally behind on life, CC recently released a new show called “Big Time in Hollywood, FL” and while I can’t guarantee that it will make your brain orgasm, trust me. Because it will. I hate to say that it’s better than sex – but fuck it. It’s better than sex. And the best part is that you can stream the full episodes, for free, this whole week. So charge your electronics and get ready to have your world rocked by Comedy Central, because “Big Time in Hollywood, FL” is the new sex.
- You can eat while watching it.
- Like, “whole pizza by yourself while devouring every piece of chocolate on Earth” eating.
- The stars are dad-bod cute.
- So you’d bone them, but they’re not intimidating. Unlike the super hot, but total d-bag frat guy you were planning on taking home.
- They’re also funny, relatable, and compliment your vibrator nicely.
- PLUS, the girls on the show won’t make you feel bad about yourself. So like, thanks for that CC.
- Each episode lasts the perfect amount of time. Not too long, not too short, and it leaves you wanting more.
- You can relate to the characters in ways you can’t relate to the random trust-fund man-child buying you drinks during happy hour.
- You literally can’t get pregnant by watching it.
- It might make you feel SO good that you think you’ll become pregnant. But you won’t. Trust me, I asked.
- Also, “Big Time” is STD free.
- You don’t even need to wrap it before you tap into it. Just turn it on and it will make you forget your worries.
- So you can say goodbye to the awkward “free STD testings” that you’ve had to go to in the past.
- Since you can stream it directly, it’s fine performing just for you. So it won’t pressure you for a threesome.
- And LOL at money shots. There are no money shots. “Big Time” would never ask you for a money shot. EVER.
- Plus you can totally take up the whole bed while watching the show.
- And after watching the show.
- And you don’t have to awkwardly ask the show to leave in the morning because you’ll literally watch it all night long.
- And unlike sex, you can have “Big Time” anywhere.
- Seriously. Planes, busses, sorority houses, at the doctor’s office. The world is yours to watch this wherever you’d like.
- And you can watch it on TFM because we love you and didn’t want you to have to travel far to find this.
- The main characters totally get that you don’t know what you want to do with your life, that you dream of moving back home, and that all you want is for your parents to give you money.
- Actually, they feel the same exact way.
- And I’m sure they’d find it wildly sexy that you have so much in common.
- Plus, they somehow make rehab look ah-mazing, which is comforting for most of our futures.
- It will be there for you, so you won’t have to wonder if it will just leave you tomorrow.
- “Big Time” doesn’t ask for blow jobs.
- And it’s doesn’t believe that “spitters are quitters.”
- You know what they say, “Who needs a boyfriend when you have Comedy Central?”
Don’t believe me, just watch.
“Big Time In Hollywood, FL” airs Wednesdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central but you can watch the first three episodes RIGHT NOW for FREE online by clicking here or on the Comedy Central App..