30 Thoughts Immediately Following a Break Up

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Nice Move

1. I might have woken up, but I’m not getting out of bed.

2. Good thing my room is already a pitch black cave. It matches my soul.

3. Who are these bitches, why do they claim to be my room mates, and why won’t they leave me alone?

4. I am so sick to my stomach I’ll never eat again.

5. I’m going to get so Kate Moss skinny he’ll be pissed he was ever such a jerk.

6. Why is there no Pandora station called, “Break Up Songs?” Do I seriously have to get out of bed to turn my iTunes on?

7. Why is the first Sex and the City movie not automatically on when I turn my TV on? Do I seriously have to get out of bed to find the DVD?

8. Can I just send a mass text explaining the situation so I can avoid having the same conversation a million times? Would an e-mail to the entire chapter be more appropriate?

9. I hate how I have to crop him out of my Facebook picture now. That was my favorite pic from formal.

10. Damn it, there better not be another date function all semester or I’m deactivating.

11. Damn it. There’s one in two weeks. JK about deactivating, I would never. Maybe I’ll go out of town?

12. He’s not getting his favorite lettered hoodie back. Not happening.

13. Should I go “single” on FB first, or wait for him to?

14. Why did a Taylor Swift song just come on my playlist, and why am I relating to it?

15. Someone needs to find me a list of all eligible royal bachelors STAT.

16. Fine. I guess I’ll get out of bed for some coffee, but if anyone has words to say about my Snuggie, I officially hate them.

17. I don’t want to look in the mirror, but I think I should.

18. Why do I look like Ke$ha right now?

19. There should be a 6th sense that tells you when you’re going to need waterproof mascara.

20. I need a nap.

21. At least people are worried about me. 25 new texts isn’t bad.

22. OMG Mom, shut up and stop calling me. How do you even find these things out?!

23. Oh. Look. I have a million potential dates.

24. Maybe I should dye my hair? I feel like a new person.

25. A little online shopping never hurt anyone. Retail therapy is the best therapy.

26. Damn it, I’m starving.

27. Just kidding, I’ll never eat again. I’m going to have the best case of break up weight loss ever.

28. Screw it. This calls for some froyo Who wants to go? Maybe go tanning, too? UV rays boost your mood.

29. Maybe we should just grab some wine and stay in tonight?

30. Just kidding. SHOTS. NOW.

***


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Nice Move

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