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31 Freaking Awesome College Courses We Wish Existed

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These days, everyone seems to be questioning the value of our college degrees. And by “everyone,” we mean our parents. The way we see it, the problem isn’t the degree itself, but rather the types of classes being offered to the young, malleable minds at institutions of so-called higher learning. Students today just want to learn some relevant skills, like how to break up with someone using only emojis or how to recover from a hangover without consuming any carbs. Sure, an internship might help teach these kids a thing or two about how to send a fax to the regional billing department in Tacoma, but that barely fills one line on a résumé. We thought about the kinds of skills we would have wanted to learn in college, and we came up with a list of courses that probably would have changed our lives:

  1. Advanced Texting: Undefined Relationships
  2. Cooking To Impress Your Friends Who Are Already Married
  3. Seminar In Explaining Your Juice Cleanse
  4. Business 304: Gilt Versus Bloomingdale’s
  5. Can You Even? A Seminar Exploring Your Complete Inability To Cope With Your Friend’s Chanel Bag
  6. Carbs Are NOT The Enemy, And Other Myths
  7. Physics 101: How To Keep From Falling Down
  8. How “Real” Are “The Real Housewives”: A Plastic Surgery Primer Course
  9. What The Hell Is Happening On “Game Of Thrones” And Who The Hell Cares?
  10. Real, Hard Science Facts About Why You Should Read Your Horoscope Every Day
  11. Biology 302: Will I Get Cancer?
  12. Communications 504: Analyzing Drunk Dials
  13. Courtney Stodden, And Other Mysteries Of Our Time
  14. Marketing 101: Lying On Your Résumé
  15. Do I Look Fat In This? A Philosophical Look At Why You Look So Chunky In Jean Skirts
  16. Oh Em Gee: Emojis [a bunch of emojis]
  17. Microbrewology: Beer Calorie Counting And You
  18. Internet Stalking 205 (lab course)
  19. Women’s Studies 302: Interpreting Nail Polish Color Names
  20. From Mayfair To Kelvin: Instagram Filter Selection
  21. History Of Facebook Privacy Settings
  22. Intermediate DVR Management
  23. Archeology 402: Digging Through Your Makeup Case From 2011
  24. Gluten: A Seminar
  25. Theater 365: Acting Like You’re Happy For Your Friends When They Get Engaged
  26. Economics 350: The Art Of Marrying Rich
  27. Introduction To Asking Your Parents For Money
  28. Geology 201: Color, Cut, Clarity, Carat
  29. Psychology 302: Coping With The Loss Of Your iPhone
  30. Mathematics Of Dividing A Group Birthday Dinner Check
  31. Senior Seminar In Zac Efron Appreciation

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Alyssa and Alison

Alyssa Wolff and Alison Leiby are stand-up comics and writers. Follow them at AlyssaWolff and AlisonLeiby.

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