31 Signs You’re Hooking Up With The Devil


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Nice Move


  1. He’s hot. Like, really, really hot.
    You can’t help but be attracted to his red hot bod and fiery personality.
  2. He’s always trying to lead you down the wrong path.
    “Come on, baby, just try it one time. I promise it won’t hurt that bad.”
  3. He tempts you to come over by saying he just wants to “hang out” and “watch Netflix.”
    When you get there, he mysteriously doesn’t even have a TV — just a bed and a lot of condoms.
  4. He doesn’t even take you to breakfast the next morning.
    The ultimate sin.
  5. He tries to convince you to want what he wants.
    A casual relationship, total and complete world domination, etc.
  6. You’ve tried to stay away from him but something always brings you back together.
    Parties, mixers, classes, no matter the occasion you always seem to run into him.
  7. He’s dead on the inside.
    Is there even a soul behind those red eyes?
  8. He loves to play tricks on you.
    “Sorry babe, it just slipped.”
  9. You think he’s a ten but your friends keep warning you that he’s not as hot you think he is.
    He just does something to you that you can’t quite explain.
  10. He disguises himself as a good guy.
    Just because he completed his required philanthropy hours for the semester doesn’t mean he’s an angel.
  11. He lies to get what he wants.
    “I promise I’m not hooking up with anyone else. Trust me.”
  12. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
    He wants to make you weak so you’re more susceptible to his advances.
  13. He doesn’t want you to know he exists.
    He won’t text you back for hours and when you ask what he was doing, he’ll say “nothing.” ~Spooky.~
  14. When you start dating someone else, he convinces you that guy is not good for you.
    He wants you all to himself, even if you’re not getting all of him.
  15. He distracts you from school, life, and work.
    “Fuck that test you have tomorrow. Let’s hang out.”
  16. He very rarely communicates with you, and when he does, it’s in symbols.
    You’ll go days without texting, and then out of nowhere one night he’ll send you this: *pointing finger emoji* *OK emoji* *question mark*
  17. He tries to turn you into something you’re not.
    If you’re a relationship girl, he tries to convince you to give casual sex a chance.
  18. He tempts you to do evil.
    “Think about how hot it would be to have a threesome with your big. It definitely won’t make things weird!”
  19. He turns into a different person at night.
    Alcohol does that to everyone, right?
  20. He loves artists like Kanye West, Jay-Z, and Rihanna — known members of the Illuminati.
    An undeniable fact.
  21. He’s been blamed for unleashing widespread plagues on humanity.
    The bubonic plague, gonorrhea, same thing.
  22. He’s a life-ruiner.
    The devil wants to destroy you.
  23. He goes to or is a fan of The University of Texas, where their hand sign is literally a sign of the devil.
    Hook ’em horns.
  24. He causes you to worship false prophets.
    Before him, you were a vodka girl, but now that you’re with him, it’s straight tequila.
  25. He only dates Pi Phis.
    The devil loves corrupting angels.
  26. He causes you to doubt the goodness of guys in general.
    If he’s ever made you say, “I’m so done with men,” he’s probably the devil.
  27. He can’t stop smoking.
    No, seriously, there’s always smoke coming off this body.
  28. He looks damn good in red.
    It’s definitely his color.
  29. He refuses to shave.
    Even after you’ve told him that his six-inch long goatee is so obnoxious.
  30. He has a tail springing from his back and horns coming out of his head.
    At first you thought it was kind of hot, but now that you think about it, it’s a little weird.
  31. His name is Lucifer.
    Or at least that’s how he’s saved as in your phone.
Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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