31 Thoughts You Have While Doing Yoga For the First Time


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Nice Move


  1. This should be fun, I guess. I mean I basically just have to go there and say “ohm” a bunch of times I think.
  2. Which pair of yoga pants should I wear? I have about eight, but none of them have ever actually made it to yoga so I’m not sure how to choose.
  3. I think I’ll wear the floral printed yoga leggings. That and a tank top that says “Namaste” should give off the vibe that I’m like a yoga guru or something, right?
  4. My butt looks awesome in these leggings. Maybe I don’t even need to go to yoga.
  5. Ugh but my new yoga mat has a really cute pattern so I need to go and show it off.
  6. What’s a good song to listen to that will pump me up for yoga?
  7. Whatever, I’m listening to Beyoncé.
  8. Okay, so I’ll just walk in and put down my yoga mat like I know what I’m doing.
  9. This isn’t too bad. Wait. Isn’t that guy in my gender studies class? Well, that explains a lot.
  10. It’s starting. Uh oh.
  11. Oh, this actually isn’t bad. It’s just stretching. I can handle this.
  12. Wait, I’m pretty sure arms aren’t supposed to bend like that.
  13. How is that grown woman putting both of her legs behind her head?
  14. I haven’t been able to do that since, oh, ever.
  15. Damn, she must be great in bed.
  16. Okay, focus. Focus.
  17. No one told me I would have to do planks at yoga. I was not ready for this.
  18. Ryan Gosling, Ryan Gosling, just think about Ryan Gosling.
  19. Holy shit my abs are going to have abs after this class.
  20. Phew, done with the plank.
  21. Wait we’re going back up? What the hell?!
  22. For every second I hold this, I get to watch an episode of Friends.
  23. Well it looks like I’ll be spending the entire weekend binge watching Netflix.
  24. Oh thank God we’re done.
  25. Child’s pose. I could sit here all day. It’s child’s play.
  26. Hah, I’m so funny I should get paid to write for a TV show or a magazine or something.
  27. Oh wait.
  29. Can I leave now?
  30. Does anyone want to get froyo?
  31. I could totally do that again. Maybe I’ll minor in yoga teaching or something.

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InVinoVeritas is a recent college graduate who spends most of her time drowning her sorrows of graduation in coffee and tequila shots. She enjoys monogramming anything that doesn't move and drinking copious amounts of wine. Compliments, love letters, and cute videos of animals dressed as humans can be sent to invinoveritastsm@gmail.com.

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