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31 Ways To Piss Off Any Guy

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  1. Ask him which of your friends he would hook up with if given the chance. Throw a bitch fit no matter who he says.
  2. Tell him it’s not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean.
  3. Invite him over to “study,” and then actually spend the entire night studying.
  4. Constantly compare him to Edward Cullen.
  5. Tell him you’re fine every time you’re really not fine.
  6. Ask him if his dad is single.
  7. Make him watch Sex and the City. Get really upset when he doesn’t love it, despite the fact that every heterosexual male has an immediate flight response to Sex and the City.
  8. Tell him you think his penis is “cute.”
  9. Go through his phone and change every girl’s name to “Irrelevant.”
  10. Neglect to buy him a birthday present, and justify this by telling him everyone is born and it’s not really a major accomplishment on his part.
  11. Respond to his long, thought out text with “K.”
  12. Outdrink him.
  13. Decide mid-sex that you’re not in the mood anymore.
  14. Stake your claim on his bathroom.
  15. Demand that he bring you Chipotle, and ask if he’s trying to make you fat when he shows up with brown rice.
  16. Blame everything on your period. Especially if you’re not even on it.
  17. Ask him if he’s “really going to wear that.”
  18. Give him the best blow job of his life, and then refuse to ever do it again.
  19. Buy him shoe lifts, even if he’s six feet tall.
  20. Beg him to take you golfing and spend the whole time bitching about the heat.
  21. Ask him to help with every borderline effortless task like changing lightbulbs and pumping gas.
  22. Man crush monday one his fraternity brothers.
  23. Call any sports uniform an “outfit.” Bonus point if the outfit in question belongs to his favorite team.
  24. Leave bobby pins on all of his things.
  25. Insist that you saw the way that rat bastard looked at that pizza delivery girl.
  26. Ask him why he can’t be more like his brother.
  27. Tell him you want a threesome, only to clarify that it’s a devil’s three way you’re interested in.
  28. Give him absolutely zero space, ever.
  29. Tell him you think his friend is hot, and when he gets pissed, insist that you wouldn’t care if he said that about your best friend.
  30. Repeatedly tell him that he said something he didn’t say.
  31. Divulge the intimate details of every sex dream you have involving another guy.

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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