32 Reasons Everyone Can Tell You’re A Freshman


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32 Reasons Everyone Can Tell You're A Freshman

  1. You’re introducing yourself to random people in class, fully expecting that this might be a place to form friendships, rather than a place to hide your shame from the world and basically hope no one really sees you.
  2. You’re wearing a sundress and wedges to class a la high school.
  3. You are constantly decked out in school paraphernalia, to remind people that you go there.
  4. I overheard you talking about prom.
  5. And your high school boyfriend.
  6. Like, you guys are trying to make it work, but you’re a whole hour and a half away, and it’s just so hard, because you don’t want to limit yourself in college, ya know?
  7. Your school ID is around your neck on a lanyard.
  8. So is your dorm room key.
  9. You are way too organized for the first day of class.
  10. Seriously, the assigned text for the class, two notebooks (college-ruled. duh), a folder, three pencils, two pens, five highlighters, your planner, and is that a pencil case?
  11. It’s just too obvious you don’t know how syllabus week generally goes down.
  12. Your high school curfew was 11pm, so you showed up to a frat party at 10. You couldn’t understand that your high school nights end before your college nights even begin.
  13. You showed up to said frat party in day clothes.
  14. Like, nice leggings.
  15. You rolled up 25 floormates deep to your first party.
  16. A party, by the way, you weren’t invited to. You just kind of heard loud people chanting, and decided it was okay for you to show up.
  17. I mean, it was. But still.
  18. You very loudly screamed “HOW DO THEY KNOW!” when you got heckled.
  19. You raised your hand and asked to use the bathroom in class.
  20. Your Instagram and Facebook are littered with pre-going out “hallway pose” pics.
  21. You’re at a bottom tier party, like the mascot house, because you don’t know better.
  22. You asked what was in the jungle juice.
  23. You’re visibly surprised that the older guy who invited you to the party you’re at is pissing in a corner.
  24. I caught a glimpse of your group text to your high school friends, and you were pitifully trying to outdo each other.
  28. ^Lol.
  29. Your most recent Facebook album is titled “I Love College,” and you think it’s okay, because it’s a song lyric, but it’s really, really not.
  30. You keep telling people that you’re like SOOOOO DRUNK, but you’ve only had three shots and a beer.
  31. Actually, maybe you are really drunk after three shots and a beer. But the rest of the people in this town of obliteration can’t remember what it’s like for their tolerance to be that low.
  32. You’re honestly just so excited for this adventure that it radiates out of every inch of you. And you should be. We’re just allowed to make fun of you for it.
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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