32 Thoughts You Have While Waiting For The Next Taylor Swift Breakup Song


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Nice Move

Taylor Swift

If you’re any normal human being you heard that Taylor Swift and her beau of 15 months Calvin Harris have parted ways. And if you’re still a typical person, you know this means T-Swift will be dropping a hot breakup song within the next few months. She’s probably already in the studio recording as we speak. Sorry the love is dead or whatever but honestly, I. Can’t. Wait.

  1. There hasn’t been a new T-Swift album in almost two years.
  2. This is just what I needed to hear. I’ve been waiting for this day forever.
  3. Not that someone else’s breakup should make me excited…
  4. But sorry not sorry. Your pain is the world’s gain.
  5. Apparently the breakup was “no drama” but that’s exactly what people say when shit goes down.
  6. It’s no better than “I’m fine” or “K.”
  7. The breakup was probably because she started becoming a totally different person. You could see it. I mean, did you see her at Coachella?
  8. Maybe he cheated on her because he only likes ~real~ blondes. Boys need to stop making this a thing.
  9. Although, her platinum bob was really meh.
  10. She’s trying too hard to be edgy. Like why can’t she just be content wearing t-shirts and sitting in the bleachers? #tbt
  11. I bet I can already predict the breakup song. Long drawn out verses with a heavily repetitive chorus soon to be featured in at least 50 different recruitment videos.
  12. It will be about how he didn’t make time for her in his fancy DJ life. How he spent too much time entertaining millions and not enough entertaining her.
  13. But like, being the one of the world’s hottest DJ’s and having to date Taylor Swift. That could be a job in itself.
  14. Dating Taylor Swift would probably be fun. But there’s always that impending doom that if you do break up, America will hate you for breaking up with Taylor Swift.
  15. Which, of course, we do. Sorry, Calvin.
  16. I wonder if she’ll vibe off of her ex and throw some EDM beats in her soon to be #1 hit. She would probably see that appropriate in her time of change.
  17. Even though it will be the same bass drop featured in every single rave song, when it plays basics everywhere will be drawn to the nearest table to dance on. Myself included.
  18. People will drink solely to drunkenly sing along.
  19. What if she makes an entire album of EDM? She went from country to pop real quick. This bitch is not afraid of complete 180s.
  20. The world would blow up at her. EDM would become too mainstream. Ravers everywhere would riot.
  21. This might be how the zombie apocalypse begins.
  22. What if she got a DJ name? DJ T Swizz. Taroyl. TaySwi.
  23. This could be worse than that time Kylie Jenner tried to be a DJ. Or was that just a rumor? God, I hope it was a rumor.
  24. What she should do is get some of Calvin’s competition to be featured in her song. Make him jealous. Normal crazy girl things.
  25. Normal crazy girl things.
  26. Maybe she could add some new girls to her cult squad for the music video. I think appropriate additions for her new self would be Miley Cyrus, Brittney Spears, or any other Disney children grown up. There was a trend there.
  27. I can see it now. I’ll hate myself for how much I’ll love the new breakup song. Even though the song will be another excuse for men not to date me.
  28. Her songs always promote the “all girls are crazy” mentality.
  29. Or at least that’s the reason I’ll tell myself I’m single.
  30. Now if Calvin made a breakup song, that would be something to dance too.
  31. I guess it went down in flames. Calvin, was the high worth the pain?
  32. If anything, filling in that blank space on the long list of ex-lovers is something to be proud of.

We’re ready when you are, Taylor.

[via People]

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Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was. Send inquires about her sanity to: brionna346@gmail.com

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