Well Class of 2015, you’ve been in the real world for, what, a couple weeks now? Maybe a month? How is it going for you all? Is it everything you could have hoped and dreamed for? Are all of your nightmares coming to reality? It’s quite alright, the real world is a scary place, and unfortunately, Google Maps doesn’t have the capabilities to navigate you to an end destination.

Nope, you’re on your own to figure out the real world, your life, happiness, and, oh my god, are you as stressed out from reading that as I was typing it? As you stumble your way through the real world, there will be small instances where you will think “huh, this is exactly like college.” Just because they gave you a diploma and they told you “No, you are no longer a student at this establishment, please stop trying to break into your old apartment”, doesn’t mean they ever take the college out of you. Some things are permanently engrained in you, for better or for worse, but is that really a bad thing?

1. You still only do laundry after you’ve worn all of your underwear.
2. You check Twitter fourteen times in thirty minutes instead of being “productive.”
3. Refreshing Instagram isn’t “productive” either.
4. You still hit the snooze button seven times in a row.
5. At least.
6. Procrastination is a way of life at this point.
7. You use your (dad’s) “emergency” credit card to pay for a pack of gum.
8. Week day drinking is still a thing, thanks to happy hour.
9. “I’ll clean when I get home.”
10. “I’ll clean after this three hour nap.”
11. “Fuck it, I’ll clean tomorrow.”
12. You check off “wallet, keys, phone” in your head the morning after drinking
13. Because, unfortunately, you still lose those things like bobby pins.
14. Why cook a meal when you can eat a whole bag of goldfish?
15. Accidental blackouts are still prevalent postgrad.
16. “What am I doing with my life?”
17. Walks of shame may be more like car rides of shame, but the concept is the exact same.
18. Convincing yourself that Lululemon leggings are a smart purchase, even though you were just crying about how poor your are.
19. Also, who knew that going to happy hour, online shopping, and buying a new coloring book isn’t considered “responsible spending.”
20. They said “if duct tape can’t fix it, throw it out” would be a phase. Ha.
21. You still use your friend’s ex-boyfriend’s cousin’s Netflix.
22. And you’ve cried when the “too many screens” warning pops up.
23. Why work out when you can nap?
24. And why go to bed at a decent hour when there is a wormhole of engagement videos to watch on Youtube?
25. “I just really need a DFMO tonight.”
26. Groceries or booze…groceries or booze….
27. “Fuck this, stripping can’t be that bad.”
28. You convince yourself you can stay out past midnight when you have to be somewhere at 8 a.m.
29. And regret it the second your alarm goes off.
30. You don’t blink an eye when your friend asks to sleepover on a Wednesday.
31. You still think the real world is the worst thing that could happen to someone.
32. Because you’re not like other adults. You’re a cool adult..

Nice Move363

Respond

Email this to a friend

Hey, I saw this on Total Sorority Move. Check it out.

Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

• @HakunaMoscato