34 Sarcastic Signs That Chivalry Isn’t Dead


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Nice Move


It’s so easy to be cynical in our Pump And Dump Culture. It seems like we have abandoned our traditional ways of courting and dating for kissing and fellating. But fear not. There are little things that guys still do for us that show that they still care. Here are some pieces of glimmering hope that tell us chivalry is not dead.

  1. He buys you your favorite cheap beer before grabbing your ass.
  2. He lights the bowl for you.
  3. When you say you want to dance, he lets you grind on him and scream-sing for a couple songs.
  4. He starts texting you at 9 or 10 p.m. so you don’t feel like a booty call when he inevitably invites you to come over.
  5. He Instagrams a picture of you two with the caption “Some random girl.”
  6. You know, to let everyone know you’re his but he’s like, super chill about it.
  7. He rinses his mouth after going down on you.
  8. But he complies when you try to kiss him after going down on him.
  9. And even offers you a glass of water.
  10. Ribbed condoms. They’re for your pleasure after all.
  11. He orders an Uber instead of making you walk home.
  12. But if you do walk home, he holds your hand while you hold your heels in the other hand,
  13. He introduces you to his bros as “that girl I was telling you about” so you know he talks about you.
  14. Hey, at least it’s not “friend.”
  15. And he tries really hard not to stare at your best friend’s tits when you introduce her.
  16. He lets you pick the movie you want to play in the background and occasionally glance at while he sexually disappoints you.
  17. He returns the underwear you forgot while sneaking out of his apartment instead of keeping it like a perverted trophy.
  18. Flavored condoms/lube.
  19.  He offers to go Dutch on the Plan B.
  20. He lets you keep spooning even though his arm has been asleep for the last thirty minutes.
  21. He stands outside the bathroom in his apartment to make sure his roommates don’t go in there while you’re taking a tinkle.
  22. He sleeps in the wet spot.
  23. He asks you questions to get to know you better.
  24. “Why are you so hot?”
  25. “What size bra are you?”
  26. “Why you gotta do me like this?”
  27. “Why you gotta be such a tease?”
  28. “What that mouth do?”
  29. “You like butt stuff?”
  30. “Tryna come back to my place?”
  31. He gives you a two day grace period of Snapchatting before asking for nudes.
  32. He asks you where you want him to splooge before he does it.
  33. Then fetches you a towel to wipe yourself off.
  34. Extra points if he wipes you off for you.

Ah, such romance.

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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