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37 Absolutely Insane Facts About Kinky Sex That You Need To Know ASAP

BDSM

We all like to think we’re the best at sex. It’s just how it is. When we’re dating someone, all we want is for them to be so wowed by our skills that they immediately drop to their knees (in a girl’s case, she hopes it’s with a ring, in a guy’s case, he hopes it’s with an open mouth). The problem is, what if the person you’re banging is into kinky stuff? No, I don’t mean that they like it when you do a position other than missionary, or if you kind-of-sort-of like your toes sucked (no judgement, weirdo). I’m talking about the really kinky stuff. Fifty Shades sort of stuff

Whether you or your partner are into that sort of thing, you’re thinking about it, or you’re just sickly fascinated (respect), here are a few things you should know before handcuffing yourself to BDSM.

  1. BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), sadism & masochism (S&M), and master and slave (M&S)
    And you thought becoming FBO was complicated. 
  2. There is (usually) nothing psychologically wrong with people who are into non-vanilla sex.
    But you might be damaged if you don’t want to get with one of them. JK. Sort of. 
  3. The term BDSM is first dated from 1969.
    The irony of the date is not lost on any of us. 
  4.  A “dominant” is also known as a “top” whereas a “submissive” is know as a “bottom.”
    Which one will let me eat pizza while laying on the floor and doing absolute nothing? I’ll pick that one.
  5. And if someone plays both roles (either in that relationship or in others) they’re known as, shocker, a “switch.”
    Because as every person in a relationship knows, sometimes you want to be the one suspended from the ceiling by a St. Andrew’s Cross, and sometimes you want it to be your partner. 
  6. And yes, a St. Andrew’s Cross is exactly what you think it is.
    Not sure if St. Andrew used one, or it’s just an unfortunate coincidence.
  7. A “dom” is the term for a dominant man or a woman. But “domme” is just the female version.
    Because yes, adding an “e” makes it sound more ladylike. 
  8. “Safe, Sane and Consensual” (commonly abbreviated as “SSC”) is the code used during BDSM. It means that everything is based on safe activities, that all participants are sane to consent, and that no one is crazy.
    So basically everyone in “Fifty Shades” failed the test.
  9. Speaking of Fifty Shades of Grey, the whole BDSM community (in addition to our boyfriends) absolutely hates that franchise.
    The first rule of BDSM is: You do not talk about “Fifty Shades.” The second rule of BDSM is: You do not talk about “Fifty Shades.”
  10. The SSC code is what makes it legal to do things during BDSM that would be considered sexual assault or domestic violence IRL.
    Consent is all the rage, even when people are tied up and role playing rape.
  11. People say “play” and “playing” to describe activities they’re going to do during the act.
    Because even whips and chains sounds innocent if you call them “play.”
  12. There actually is a pre-negotiation period, where the partners discuss what they like, what they don’t like, and what they absolutely will not tolerate.
    Contract or not, this is what makes it not totally, completely, illegal. 
  13. And once the “scene” (the act of doing whatever they’re doing) is over, is it strongly advised to have “aftercare.” People are extra sensitive after practicing BDSM (you know, because they were just yelled at and whipped or whatever), so this step is really important. Basically you hug, talk, and just be close to each other.
    #TeamCuddle
  14. A “safe word” is just that. A literal safe word. Saying it during the scene means that you no longer give consent to whatever the hell is going on.

  15. A “safe symbol” is used when the person’s mouth is…otherwise occupied. They might drop a ball, ring a bell, send off smoke signals. Whatever.
    If I flick you off, that’s my safe symbol, okay?
  16. If you don’t honor a safe word it miiiiight turn the sexual consent situation into an actual crime.
    Because when I say “pineapples,” I mean pineapples. 
  17. “Cock and Ball Torture” (CBT) is a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals.
    Which is something we should all keep in mind if we ever hook up with our exes again. 
  18. “Erotic Electrostimulation” (AKA e-stim, AKA electrosex) is sexual practice where people apply “electrical stimulation” to the nerves of the body (especially the genitals).
    If you want some really shocking sex, this might be for you. Or if you’re actually insane and don’t mind burning your vagina. Either way.
  19. “Edgeplay” is the really extreme shit. It has the potential to cause short or long term harm, or even death.
    Casual.
  20. Edgeplay includes things like breathplay (choking. It’s basically choking), fireplay, knifeplay, gunplay, and bloodplay.
    Just the quiet, romantic night you had in mind!
  21. “Urolagnia” is getting turned on by the sight or thought of urine.
    Sure baby. I’d love to let you pee on me. Afterwards why don’t you get a beer and go fuck yourself?
  22. The term comes from the Greek words ouron, for urine, and lagneia, for lust.
    Nothing like the word “urine” to fill me with lust.
  23. “Medical Fetishism” refers to sexual fetishes involving medical objects, practices, environments, and situations. Or pretending to be doctors, nurses, and patients during roleplay.
    I’m looking at you, “Grey’s Anatomy” fans. 
  24. “Predicament Bondage” is when you restrain someone so there are very few positions they can be in, each of which are really effing uncomfortable. And no matter how they shift themselves, they just stay uncomfortable.
    Sounds…like actual hell?
  25. “Torture” is the act of deliberately inflicting severe physical or psychological pain onto someone who is unable to stop what is being done to him or her.
    If you ever hook up with Voldemort, I imagine he’d be into this sort of thing. 
  26. “Waxplay” is a form of sexual play involving, you guessed it, warm or hot wax dripped from candles or ladled onto a person’s skin.
    Bonus orgasm points if it’s from a pumpkin spice candle.
  27. You only use the word “dominatrix” for a professional (AKA someone who is paid to dominate someone). And in other news: dominatrixes are only female.
    Getting paid to yell at people and make them be your slave? Doesn’t sound like a bad gig. 
  28. BDSM parties are taking place in most of the larger cities in the good ol’ US of A.
    But it’s always BYOB. Bring your own boner and bondage. 
  29. These “parties” involve leather, cages, and “spanking benches.”
    Just a casual get-together with friends. 
  30. Chastity Belts are actually a thing.
    Can you imagine how annoying that would be to deal with when you’re drunk?
  31. “Exhibitionism” is where you like to show off what you have, or what you’re doing, for other people to see.
    And yes. Sex on the beach counts. 
  32. And the opposite of that, “Voyeurism,” is when you get turned on by watching other people bang.
    So basically every guy ever?
  33. Like doing it in front of a mirror? Then you’re into “Mixophilia.”
    Again, basically every guy ever.
  34. “Objectophilia” is when people get turned on by objects.
    Because we’ve alllll seen that episode of “My Strange Addiction.”
  35. “Sploshers” = People who are turned on by food.
    I’ll love you forever.
    I’ll eat you for always.
    As long as my arteries aren’t clogged.
    My stuffed crust pizza you’ll be. 
  36. “Pony Play” is when a person dresses up as a literal horse and is ridden around by their partner.
    All those opposed to trying this, say “neighhh.” (Yes. That’s quality horse humor.)
  37. And finally, “Zoophilia.” This is when you get turned on by the idea of pretending to be an animal, wearing a collar, or having sex in elaborate animal costumes (AKA a “furry”). Barks, purrs, and chirps are totally optional but definitely recommended.
    See? The fact that you like getting your toes sucked doesn’t seem so weird now, does it?

Want to read more dirty things? Of course you do, you nasty. Check out the links below to get your sexy knowledge fill. And if anyone asks, you’re learning, okay?

Wanna learn about plain, ol’ vanilla sex?
How about Oral?
Maybe buttstuff?
Alright alright. Threesomes it is!
No? Okay then. Let’s just stick to the vag, okay?
Or maybe the penis.
Boobs? How about boobs?
You know what? Orgasms. Everyone loves a good orgasm.

[via Buzzfeed, Wikipedia, Cosmopolitan]

Image via Shutterstock

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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