37 Benefits Of Becoming A Little Bit Fat This Holiday Season


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Oh the holidays. The one time of the year where everyone is a little happier, a little nicer, and a little fatter. Sure, you can be one of those people who spends an extra twelve hours at the gym every day to counter the absurd amount of calories you consume. Or, you can not be a total dick, and just accept the fact that as the weather gets colder, your hips get wider. And I, for one, could not be more pleased. So if you’re a little sad that you can no longer zip up your pants, never fear! Here are some really awesome things about getting just a little bit fat this holiday season.

    Because trust me, you’re not alone.

  1. What’s the point of wearing an oversized sweater if you’re hiding a beach bod?
  2. And literally no one can tell how much you weigh under the forty-five layers of North Face and infinity scarves.
  3. You’ve accepted the fact that you’re not working out this season, so you have much more free time to do the things you love.
  4. Like hate-stalking the people who are running marathons on Thanksgiving morning.
  5. Watching an absurd amount of Netflix whilst eating your feelings.
  6. And, you know. Not working out.
  7. You know what tastes good on chocolate? More chocolate.
  8. And you don’t feel like you have to lie to yourself anymore when you get a side salad with your pizza.
  9. Like no, eating some lettuce isn’t going to change the fact that you just ate an entire large, pepperoni-pineapple by yourself.
  10. Yes, you will have that extra piece of pie.
  11. And don’t hold the whipped cream.
  12. It’s honestly way too cold to run anyways.
  13. And it wouldn’t be safe to drive to the gym in such dangerous conditions.
  14. So yeah. You’re thinking of your safety.
  15. You wont have to do as much laundry because once you sweat in in, you have to wash it. Or something like that.
  16. And those new running shoes you bought last month will be in perfect condition come February.
  17. Okay, April.
  18. What’s the point of going home for the holidays if you’re not going to eat everything in the fridge?
  19. And make your parents take you to all of the restaurants you’ve missed.
  20. You’ll save money on electricity because you’ll be turing off the lights before you have sex from now on.
  21. And when you shower, just in case you glance in the mirror and happen to see the horror that is your “no longer Spring Break” bod.
  22. Nachos. That’s all. You can just eat a whole bunch of nachos.
  23. You have more of an excuse to wear pajamas everywhere.
  24. And since oversized shirts are in, you can act like you’re getting that XXL because it’s cool, not because you need it.
  25. Guys will still have sex with you. Promise.
  26. And hey, you might actually go up a cup size.
  27. Or get that ass you always wanted.
  28. Sure, it’s made entirely of cookies, but isn’t that sort of beautiful?
  29. You wont be the asshole telling everyone how many calories are in an Olive Garden breadstick.
  30. In fact, you stop counting calories altogether and start counting more important things, like orgasms.
  31. And the number of mimosas you had at brunch.
  32. JK. You never count that shit. #KeepEmComin
  33. The songs “My Humps,” “All About That Bass,” and “Baby Got Back” really resonate with you.
  34. Even with a little extra fluff, you still look hot AF.
  35. And you’d rather spend time with the people you love, eat the food you made together, and enjoy every delicious aspect of the holidays instead of feeling bad about yourself.
  36. Because honestly? No matter how many dinner rolls you eat or cookies you munch, you’re still sexy, wanted, and totally bangable.
  37. And you can finally, finally say that you’re on an all carb diet, and actually mean it.

Cheers to high caloried drinks, full-fat desserts, and seconds on everything.

Image via Shutterstock

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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