37 Things Girls Who Are Obsessed With Instagram Understand


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Nice Move


Instagram is probably the most carefully calculated social media out there. Sure, you’ll post a drunk subtweet to your ex every once in a while, and I don’t think there’s been a single person who has ever gone out and not drunk Snapchatted, but Instagram is different. Girls who are obsessed with Instagram would NEVER upload a picture/video to Instagram while drunk. Here are some more things only girls who rule the ‘gram understand:

  1. You mark your calendar for picture taking events and start formulating captions weeks in advance.
  2. You are the girl at the party who always suggests “Hey, lets take pictures!”
  3. And everyone secretly hates you for it.
  4. You have a group message specifically dedicated to asking “Is this a good caption?”
  5. And “I just posted, go like it.”
  6. You like your own photos.
  7. You instantly start second guessing your whole life if you don’t get the number of likes you expect.
  8. Or if you aren’t on track to get the number of likes you expect.
  9. And yes you keep track of that.
  10. You have a whole folder on your phone of photo editing apps.
  11. Including ones you paid real money for because none of the free ones made you look naturally airbrushed.
  12. You carefully watch your following/follower ratio.
  13. You take it personally when you get unfollowed.
  14. And you know you got unfollowed, because you have that app too.
  15. And not as a joke.
  16. You convince other people to post pictures that you’re in.
  17. Probably by saying its a good picture of them, even if it’s not.
  18. “Don’t forget to tag me!”
  19. You spent hours months thinking of the perfect bio.
  20. Which is probably just an Amy Schumer quote, or how much you love your school and your sorority.
  21. You judge other people’s Instagrams way too harshly.
  22. “I’m too established to post blurry pictures like that.”
  23. “You can literally see a fat roll. Why didn’t she photoshop that out?”
  24. “Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares.”
  25. But you’ll probably like it anyway because, “I scratch your back, you scratch mine.”
  26. And sometimes you comment, purely for username exposure.
  27. Your heart sinks every time you hit “post.”
  28. Then you text your friends in a shame spiral because you’re afraid no one’s going to like it.
  29. You stalk other people’s Instagram’s for caption ideas.
  30. Caption stealer. #NoShame
  31. You monitor who likes your pictures.
  32. The cute boy in your history class.
  33. That one ex boyfriend you occasionally still hook up with.
  34. Your frenemy from high school.
  35. And then you contemplate for hours whether it was passive aggressive or if she’s waving the white flag.
  36. Either way, you win, because you got one more like.
  37. But it’s all in vain because nobody besides you notices (or cares) how skinny you look, how many followers you have, or how many likes you got because they’re too busy doing the same thing.

I have the best Instagram account in the game.


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