37 Things That Are Bound To Happen When You Go Back For Homecoming


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Homecoming is like life support for the recent college graduate. It is the only thing keeping you going in your sad, pathetic post-grad life. It’s like giving alcohol to an alcoholic; you can’t just have one sip. Unfortunately for all of us, homecoming only lasts for one weekend each year. So in the spirit of living it up the best you can, see how many of these you can check off in forty-eight hours.

  1. Sport your school colors so much so that people think you’re an incoming freshman.
  2. Cheer on your football team.
  3. Unless they suck, then just stay and drink at the tailgate.
  4. Shotgun a beer.
  5. Or six.
  6. Go back to all of your favorite bars.
  7. Seriously, all of them. You don’t know when you’re going to be able to do that again.
  8. Take advantage of the drink specials. Nowhere else in the real world has $1 shots.
  9. Have a DFMO (dance floor make out). Because apparently theses aren’t super acceptable in said “real world.”
  10. Hit up all of your drunk food hot spots.
  11. Eat that pizza, girl. Of course you need it.
  12. You can’t gain the “freshman 15” if you aren’t in school anymore, right? RIGHT?!
  13. Run into all of your old flames.
  14. Hug it out and laugh about all the awkward, drunken sex you used to have.
  15. Have more awkward, drunken sex. Why the hell not?
  16. Meet the new pledge class.
  17. Scare the shit out of them.
  18. “You all better know who I am. I’m a fucking legend.”
  19. Have a quarter–life crisis because you’re actually kind of a real adult now.
  20. Drink away your sorrows.
  21. Maybe smoke away your sorrows, too, if you’re into that.
  22. Take shots and chase them with shitty beer.
  23. People tend to look down upon you if you do this after college.
  24. Don’t be friends with those types of people.
  25. Do something stupid.
  26. Try to steal a campus monument.
  27. Or that fraternity composite you’ve always wanted.
  28. What are they going to do, expel you and call you to Standards?
  29. Seriously.
  30. Take a family picture with five generations.
  31. Or six or seven.
  32. Hug your little. She misses you.
  33. Cry to your little about how much you miss her and college and your old life.
  34. Consider going to grad school just so you have an excuse to live like this every weekend.
  35. Realize that grad school actually takes work (and money), so you reconsider.
  36. Head home with the worst hangover you’ve ever had.
  37. Count down the days until you can go back and do it all again.
InVinoVeritas is a recent college graduate who spends most of her time drowning her sorrows of graduation in coffee and tequila shots. She enjoys monogramming anything that doesn't move and drinking copious amounts of wine. Compliments, love letters, and cute videos of animals dressed as humans can be sent to invinoveritastsm@gmail.com.

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