37 Things You Were Going To Do this Summer


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Nice Move


  1. Get tan.
  2. Like really, really tan.
  3. And skinny.
  4. Abs? Yeah. You were going to have a six pack of those.
  5. Reconnect with your ex.
  6. And then you re-break up with your ex.
  7. But it would be totally fine because you wanted to. Not the other way around.
  8. Your Instagram was going to break 1,000 followers.
  9. Thanks to beautifully-filtered pictures of your adventures.
  10. Like that impromptu road trip you were going to take to NOLA.
  11. And the night you planned to drive out into the middle of nowhere and look at the stars.
  12. Plus the hike you’d obviously take while on your mission trip.
  13. In Costa Rica.
  14. Sure, you’d save some lives.
  15. And obviously teach some kids how to read.
  16. Or speak English.
  17. Or create the perfect subtweet. Or whatever.
  18. You were going to read all of the required reading for your courses.
  19. And you’d have all of your notes and syllabi organized by how strenuous each class is.
  20. You really planned to crush your dream internship.
  21. And they’re basically asking to hire you already.
  22. You’d save soooo much money from your part-time, minimum wage job folding graphic tees.
  23. So you will be able to buy a whole new wardrobe for fall.
  24. Which is good, because you definitely lost some weight.
  25. This is the summer that the biotin that you’ve been taking for the past 10+ years would finally start kicking in.
  26. And people keep asking how you have such beautiful hair.
  27. You managed to get drunk every night without paying a dime.
  28. And you’d magically wake up without a hangover.
  29. You finished tons of adorable crafts for your apartment.
  30. And your roommates all agreed on the coordinated colors, chore schedule, and “theme” nights that you emailed them.
  31. The guy you’ve been drooling over asked you to go on a date when you two get back.
  32. And your recruitment chair asked you to give a speech to PNS.
  33. Because you’re the most influential person in the chapter.
  34. You picked up a new hobby, like cross-stitching bitchy quotes on pillows.
  35. Kim Kardashian started following you on Twitter.
  36. And even though you sort of hate her, you still think it’s pretty cool.
  37. You ate a lot of guac, kissed a lot of hot boys, and had the time of your life.

What You Actually Did This Summer

  1. Got drunk.
  2. Like really, really drunk.
  3. Gained five ten pounds.
  4. Watched Netflix.
  5. Stayed in bed all day.
  6. Everyday.
  7. Drunk texted your ex.
  8. Cried. Possibly in public.
  9. Ate a lot of guac, kissed a lot of okay looking boys, and had a mediocre time while you were waiting to go back to school to have the time of your life.

Ah well. Better luck next summer.

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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