Mothers. Moms, if you will. We all have them; otherwise we wouldn’t be on this earth. They birthed us and watched us grow up. These women can (almost) handle it all. From fighting us to put on Easter dresses, cooking meals that give you foodgasms, and being your number one fan at life even though you’re clearly not winning, moms know exactly how to go about the world. However, there’s a catch. They haven’t quite caught onto how the rest of the world use cell phones. So instead of adjusting, they pulled the biggest mom power move of all, they created their own little mom phone culture. If any other basic human being without a child did these things with their phone, it would be an outrage. But our favorite ladies can get away with doing the following because they’re not like other moms, they’re cool moms.
- Hit you with that “K.” text as if it isn’t a symbol of hostility amongst our generation.
- Say goodbye, and then continue to ramble on.
- Send lists of eligible bachelors in your area.
- Pretend she’s a weather forecaster by telling you what the weather in your area will be like for the next few days.
- And then continue to update you on the weather wherever she is.
- If you don’t answer your phone, she sends you, “Call me ASAP.”
- Or vise versa, if you don’t text her back immediately, she calls before you even have the chance to respond to her text.
- Remind you to do obvious tasks such as make doctors appointments, try to spend your money on things besides vodka, feed your dog, feed yourself, etc.
- Tells you to get a good night’s sleep.
- Asks to take pictures of you and your siblings every time you are together somewhere besides home.
- These pictures usually become her background.
- And if you don’t agree to it, she creepily takes pictures of you anyway.
- Pinterest. Lots and lots of time is spent on Pinterest off of her phone.
- Doesn’t give a fuck about the double texting bylaws, she will triple text your ass paragraphs.
- Randomly send you pictures of your pets, usually with comments pretending that she is the pet.
- Gets frustrated when she doesn’t know how to change simple settings, so she hands the phone over to you because you’re a tech wiz in her eyes.
- Uses emojis in the most inappropriate timings possible. “Your little sister’s pet hamster died. ☺”
- Asks if you need her to transfer money, even though the answer is obviously always yes.
- Can’t understand when you’re sarcastically joking via text.
- Which typically leads to her calling you because she’s worried.
- Texts with one finger only, usually her index finger.
- Out of nowhere send you a “How was your day?” text message.
- Takes mirror selfies of her outfit options to send you and asks which she should wear to an event the both of you will be attending.
- Identifies herself in voicemails because, you know, caller ID doesn’t exist or something.
- Doesn’t even bother trying to listen to music.
- Calls or texts you the second any sign of crime occurs in your town just to see if you’re okay.
- “OH! One more thing!”
- Updates you on your siblings’ most recent shenanigans, even though you already know what happened to them.
- Usually because it was on Facebook a week ago, which is where she’s finally attaining this information too.
- DEFINITELY not a professional photographer, but tries her hardest to be anyway.
- And zoom is her arch nemesis.
- Creates group texts with an absurd amount of family members in it, including brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
- Puts all appointments in her phone, even if they aren’t her appointments.
- Plays basic AF games such as Candy Crush.
- Takes pictures of random shit, such as flowers and decorative cakes.
- Asks about your love life, or lack thereof.
- “Love you, Mom” is basically her footnote..
Nice Move276
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Kellie Stritz
Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.
@kelliestritz
@kelliemariestritz
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