41 Reasons You Should Apologize To Your Roommate Stat


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Nice Move


As an extravert, the idea of living alone is terrifying to me. I can’t make sense of people who decide to live in studio apartments, or decide to camp out in their rooms all day every day. I need to be surrounded by people to shower me and my giant ego with love and attention 24/7. Will I go full Britney circa 2007 if I go a full hour without being complimented? I don’t know, but I am not about to find out any time soon.

Recently I was binge watching the same show on Netflix for a good hour or seven when one of my best friends/roommates said “finding a roommate is a big deal, just because someone is your best friend doesn’t mean you won’t absolutely hate living with them.” Then glared directly at me. And she’s right, she lucked out, because I’m such a good roommate. Or at least that’s how I interpreted it. But of course everyone fucks up sometimes. After all, besides Amy Schumer, no one is perfect. And if you’re anything like me, apologizing for your mistakes is even more painful than straight up paying to break your lease and move out. Here are a few instances when buying her an “I’m sorry” frap is probably a good idea.

  1. Stumbling home drunk well past 2 AM.
  2. Using her phone to stalk the people who were smart enough to block you on social media.
  3. Every week.
  4. Calling her a liar when she reassured you that you’re totally prettier than his new girlfriend.
  5. The endless hours of bitching about the new girlfriend.
  6. Encouraging atrocious spending habits.
  7. Having to cover for you every time you insisted that you could *totally* pull off getting tipsy at chapter.
  8. Having to hold your hair during chapter when you sailed right past your limit.
  9. When you cried after you inevitably got an email from standards about that time you got too drunk and threw up on your president.
  10. For eating her leftovers.
  11. For lying to her face about the leftovers.
  12. For laughing during the funeral for her dead fish.
  13. Because even though your “three points!” joke when she tossed it into the toilet was hilarious, she did not appreciate it.
  14. Bailing on your gym plans thirty-seven consecutive times.
  15. Talking to that bitch she hates when you momentarily forgot she’s on the shit list.
  16. Making her pick you up from your one-night stand’s house on any given Saturday morning.
  17. That time you forgot to wake her up for Sunday brunch.
  18. Being noticeably hungover when her parents visited.
  19. For having sex at all because I can guarantee she could hear it.
  20. Every piece of clothing you have ever borrowed without asking.
  21. Especially if it was never returned.
  22. That one time you attempted to cook and nearly burnt down the kitchen.
  23. Every time she’s had to listen to you drunk cry because you’re single.
  24. Or because you ate an entire pizza by yourself.
  25. Or because you didn’t order two and now you’re out of pizza.
  26. Five hour Netflix binges in the living room.
  27. Insisting she accompany you on a midnight Taco Bell run.
  28. Glitter. Everywhere.
  29. For disappearing for days on end when you meet a guy you like.
  30. Making her listen to your constant boy drama.
  31. Actively ignoring her advice on how to fix the boy drama because lol at getting your life together.
  32. When you accused her of stealing your favorite shirt when you couldn’t find it.
  33. When you kept her up all night because you needed her opinion on crafting ideas.
  34. Every time you chose to look up cleaning hacks on Pinterest instead of actually cleaning.
  35. For literally everything your boyfriend has ever broken, eaten or said because honestly he’s your responsibility.
  36. Speaking of your boyfriend, if he is over more than three times a week, you should probably take care of that.
  37. For that growing graveyard of wine bottles you’re too lazy to take out.
  38. For lounging around sans pants.
  39. Going to her favorite restaurant without her.
  40. Literally everything you have ever said while on your period.
  41. And for tricking her into living with you again next year because let’s face it, you’re never going to change.
Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at blue.eyed.blondie.tsm@gmail.com

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