41 Things That Suck Way More Than Getting Dumped


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Nice Move


It’s no secret that breakups fucking suck. It doesn’t matter if you are the “dumper” or the “dumpee.” Either way, there’s a ninety-nine percent chance you will feel the need to drown yourself in ice cream and cheap vodka the week following your separation from “the love of your life.” I hate to break it to you, but even though the end of your relationship might make you feel shitty, there are many things in life that suck way more than getting dumped.

  1. Drinking vodka after brushing your teeth.
  2. Driving to Taco Bell drunk at 3 a.m. just to find out it’s closed.
  3. Shacking up with a guy in a top tier frat and leaving without stealing a T-shirt.
  4. Forgetting to sign in minutes after missing chapter the week before formal (see also: being on attendance bad standing the week before formal).
  5. Sleeping through an exam.
  6. Bleeding through your white jeans.
  7. Spending the night in the drunk tank.
  8. Accidentally running over a bunny.
  9. Spilling red wine on a new dress.
  10. Having your best friend drop out of your sorority.
  11. Finding out Starbucks discontinued your favorite drink.
  12. Getting an STD.
  13. Breaking a heel while out at the clubs.
  14. Getting your brand new fake ID taken away.
  15. Having your last name mispronounced at graduation.
  16. The feeling after shotgunning FourLoko.
  17. Seeing your ex with his new girlfriend.
  18. Calling a PNM the wrong name during recruitment.
  19. Being refused admission to a bar because you’re too drunk.
  20. Getting a UTI.
  21. Having a pregnancy scare.
  22. Failing a class.
  23. Feeling like you let your dad down.
  24. Not being able to fit into your formal dress.
  25. Getting your nudes sent into a fraternity group message.
  26. Being unable to afford tickets to an event all your friends are going to.
  27. Breaking your Ray Bans.
  28. Losing your rush crush to another house.
  29. Falling off an elevated surface while dancing.
  30. Finding out the guy you’re dating is a virgin.
  31. Hooking up with a micropenis.
  32. Being allergic to latex.
  33. Shattering your Naked palette.
  34. Spontaneously getting your period while in bed with a new guy.
  35. Outgrowing your favorite jeans.
  36. Watching the cooler you slaved away on get ruined.
  37. Going to bed with an 8.5 and waking up next to a 3.2.
  38. Starting a diet.
  39. Getting elected as standards chair.
  40. Being allergic to gluten.
  41. Getting put on sorority probation.

See? It’s not so bad.

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My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. blondeboozy@gmail.com xo

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