46 Really Great Things About Being An American Woman On Women’s Equality Day


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Ninety-five years ago today, us lady-folk got the right to vote. And so, to honor that amazing moment in US History, August 26 is declared “Women’s Equality Day.” Huh, equality. I feel like I’ve heard that used in the media recently. You know, when people talk about the wage gap. Or our bodies. Or with dress codes, or hair, or beauty standards. When they bring up children, lack of children. Careers. Sure, we got the right to vote almost one hundred years ago, but we’ve been complaining ever since.

Don’t get me wrong. We should complain. We should fight and work and do everything we can so that someday, we can be assured that it’s no longer a man’s world. And today, you’ll see tons of people saying that. “We still have a fight!” “It’s not over!” “Not equal yet!” And they’re right. We’re not there yet. But we’re working on it. Hard. And so today, I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be upset and heated. I don’t want to think about what’s wrong. I don’t want to say all of the things we have left to do. I want to take a second to think about what’s right. What’s great about being a woman. And how freaking far we’ve come in the past ninety-five years.

  1. We get to vote.
  2. And that vote influences change! For tons of different things.
  3. And while we’re at it, if we don’t like something, we have the right to protest it.
  4. We get to be moms.
  5. Sure, it’s annoying when you bleed every month, but I have a feeling that the second you hold your first child in your arms, it’s all worth it.
  6. And if you don’t want to be a mom, you don’t have to be!
  7. You can choose not to have kids and just concentrate on your career.
  8. Remember careers? The things we’re allowed to have and our grandmothers were encouraged not to have?
  9. And hell, we can even rise to the top and be the head bitch in charge, if we so desire.
  10. You know, using that degree in higher education that we got right alongside the boys.
  11. Boobs. We get boobs.
  12. And if we don’t like our boobs, we can buy new ones.
  13. We can use those boobs to feed our babies and get free drinks.
  14. And slowly, we’re getting the right to show them to whoever we want, wherever we want.
  15. Man buns. We get to appreciate man buns.
  16. Because as the great Chris Pratt said, the key to equality is to, “Not objectify women less, but objectify men just as often as we objectify women.”
  17. But hey, if man buns aren’t your thing, you have just as much right to appreciate lady buns.
  18. We can get married!
  19. To anyone we feel like marrying.
  20. And we can have that wedding however the hell we want.
  21. We can own property, land, and a house.
  22. And we can do it without a husband, a father, or a man.
  23. And we won’t get traded off for some cattle or goats when the perfect person asks for our hand.
  24. We can grow our hair out and have long, mermaid locks.
  25. Or we can cut it all off, because we DGAF.
  26. We can fight for our country.
  27. And whatever else we feel is right.
  28. We can flaunt our ankles, our necks, our midriffs, and our bodies.
  29. We’re working on desexualizing the female body.
  30. But guess what? That female body is sexy! And we can utilize and enjoy that.
  31. Because we have the right to be viewed sexually, if that’s what we want.
  32. And even more so, we have the right to enjoy sex.
  33. With people who aren’t our husbands (lol).
  34. And we can talk about it.
  35. With people who aren’t our husbands (again, lol).
  36. We get to be fat.
  37. And we get to be outraged by someone calling us fat.
  38. Same goes for being skinny.
  39. We can be Instagram models.
  40. Sure, everyone hates us for it, but whatever.
  41. And we can post as many selfies as we want.
  42. We can leave a relationship that’s no longer working for us.
  43. We can drive, and laugh, and save ourselves, and fuck whoever.
  44. We can speak, even when we’re not being spoken to.
  45. Which we do. A lot.
  46. And no matter what we chose to do, who we choose to do, where we want to do it, and who we want to be, we’re on our way to becoming equal. One stay-at-home mom, CEO, wife, sister, football player, stripper, politician, friend, lover, and individual, at a time

Cheers to the next ninety-five years!

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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