College is weird. It’s some bizarre sleep away camp for your brain, where just like sleep away camp, you never sleep and sicknesses spread like wildfire. You have never experienced anything like it, and there will never be a similar time after it. If you really think about it, some weird shit goes down in college.

1. Your parents drop you off in a place you have never been before.
2. To live with people you’ve never met before.
3. And they grant you freedoms you’ve never had before.
4. You have no set schedule as far as meals.
5. Or anything else.
6. You get to choose which classes you take.
7. But those classes will dictate the rest of your life.
8. You can disappear for days and even your roommate might not notice.
9. You start recognizing people you stalked on Facebook.
10. Everyone within a two-mile radius is your age.
11. Which means seeing a child on campus is shocking.
12. And anyone over 22 is considered old.
13. Regular people at college bars look incredibly out of place.
14. Seeing a dog is a world-stopping event.
15. Rushing is just joining a club based on no merits except you like them.
16. And then you are forced to make other people join your club.
17. But only “good” people.
18. Breaking the law becomes the norm.
19. Drinking underage.
20. Using fake IDs.
21. Shmerkin’ berls.
22. Your concept of time is completely warped.
23. Thursday is the start of the weekend.
24. 10 p.m. is early.
25. So is 10 a.m.
26. You walk everywhere.
27. Like who walks anymore?
28. Suckers and people with DUIs, that’s who.
29. You even walk home in clothes from the night before.
30. You can be best friends with someone in your class.
31. And then never see them again.
32. It’s not like you knew their name anyway.
33. You drink before you go out to drink.
34. You eat anything that’s free or available.
35. You become extremely crafty and clever.
36. You stockpile water bottles to put alcohol in.
37. You put your key on a hair tie to keep around your wrist.
38. Or your thong.
39. The library is a mecca for memorization.
40. You will have sex with someone and sit next to them in class the next day like nothing happened.
41. But once it hits 2:37 on Thursday, it’s obvious neither of you actually forgot.
42. You’ve never felt more confident in yourself.
43. But you’ve never felt so scared.
44. The days are long but the weeks are incredibly short.
45. It is over before you know it.
46. And then you are considered to be a full functioning adult.

What the actual fuck?.

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.

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