47 Signs You Are Dangerously Low Maintenance


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Nice Move


Girls are innately high maintenance. We have periods to take care of and mood swings to manage. Add on the pressure of society, and it’s impossible to keep up. It’s easy to fall behind. Far, far behind. Behind trends, social media crazes, and even simple personal hygiene.

  1. The 5 second rule is a mere suggestion.
  2. As are sell by dates.
  3. Wipe it off, give it a trusty smell test, and you are good to go.
  4. Your idea of contouring is pulling your cheeks in like a fish and holding them like that.
  5. People always call you “chill.”
  6. Which is pretty much just a nice way of saying “apathetic.”
  7. If your leggings have less than 3 holes in them, then they are still good.
  8. People think you are doing a walk of shame when you’re going to class.
  9. Deodorant is a luxury.
  10. People don’t recognize you with your hair down.
  11. You are lucky to put on mascara without impaling yourself in the eyeball.
  12. The first time you did laundry for yourself, you put everything in the dryer first thinking it was the washer.
  13. You are always “one of the boys.”
  14. Because people confuse you for a boy.
  15. You don’t own nail polish remover because you just pick it off.
  16. You constantly have to borrow other people’s clothes because you only own t-shirts.
  17. Dry shampoo would save your life.
  18. If you spent your money on anything except for food.
  19. You have gone days without human contact.
  20. You have canceled plans because you didn’t feel like showering.
  21. Or putting on pants.
  22. Or shoes.
  23. Or a bra.
  24. More than once, you have accidentally had two tampons in.
  25. That’s if you don’t just shove a wad of toilet paper up there.
  26. The toilet paper that also doubles as tissues.
  27. You buy paper and plastic silverware so you don’t have to do dishes.
  28. Watching you walk in heels is like watching Bambi on ice.
  29. “Is that your natural hair?”
  30. Always.
  31. Your eating habits reflect that of a ravenous bear.
  32. “I’m so jealous you don’t have to wear makeup.”
  33. You’re jealous that she doesn’t seal her eyeball shut every time she tries to put on falsies.
  34. You’ve held your pee for hours for no reason at all.
  35. Your shower is riddled with stolen hotel shampoos because buying shampoo is unnecessary.
  36. And when you run out of body wash, you just use shampoo.
  37. People always offer you their leftover food because they know you’ll eat it no matter what.
  38. Your jeans are from high school.
  39. Not to show off, but because you haven’t gone shopping since then.
  40. You genuinely answer everything with “Doesn’t matter to me.”
  41. “Where do you want to eat?”
  42. “Do you want to go out?”
  43. “Want to take another shot?”
  44. “Do you want to live to see tomorrow?”
  45. Umbrellas are for quitters.
  46. You put your head down and power through the rain.
  47. It’s not like you did your hair anyway.
A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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