49 Thoughts You Have Hooking Up with Someone From Your Hometown


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Nice Move


Summer needs to be over, and it needs to be over now. Please tell me I’m not the only one ready to go back to school? At college, you can easily go out to the bars meet a gorgeous tall, dark and handsome stranger (who you definitely haven’t been stalking since your last mixer), and never see him again. At home it’s a whole different ball game. The local bars your parents go to become a haven for college kids and local burnouts. It’s essentially the ghost of douchebags and bitches past, yet you can’t resist dragging the old gang there every Friday night, and they usually go a little something like this.

  1. Shots? Shots. (It always starts with shots)
  2. Should we get IPAs now so we look like college made us cool?
  3. Wait, they’re buying us drinks? SCORE. (I knew my boobs were on ~fleek~ tonight.)
  4. I hate myself for saying “fleek.”
  5. I’m gonna grind with my friend and make him think I’m sexy.
  6. Fuck, we just look like humping giraffes.
  7. I wonder how old he is? We definitely weren’t in high school together.
  8. Wait, why are we leaving?
  9. Oh, okay, ummmm, whose car is this?
  10. Do I have all my shit? (P-MILK, bitches. Phone, Money, ID, Lipgloss, Keys)
  11. Where are we going in this clown car? Am I starring in Taken?
  12. They took us home. THEY TOOK US HOME! WE GON’ GET IT IN!!!
  13. Shit. I didn’t shave. Why am I always so unprepared!?
  14. Nice high school football trophies, bro. What year does that say? Damn he is old.
  15. What is that? Are they smoking pot?
  16. Okay, now I guess we’re all smoking pot.
  17. Yep, I remember why I left the rasta phase in high school.
  18. Okay, time to make like Goldylocks and find a place to sleep.
  19. Princesses don’t sleep on the floor. *Insert hair flip emoji*
  20. This bed is juuust right.
  21. Aaand this is his bed, I legit set myself up for this like a fly in a spider’s web.
  22. I bet I found it subconsciously.
  23. Maybe if I hide under the covers he won’t find me?
  24. He found me.
  25. I’ll just slowly get up to leave. Nope, looks like I’ve fallen (into your bed) and can’t get up. #LifeAlert
  26. Keep me around long enough and it could be #wifealert.
  27. Is my pun problem the reason I don’t have a boyfriend?
  28. Oh shit, we’re kissing.
  29. Okay I see you boo, I can freak with your style, is this how they kissed at your high school?
  30. Why is my mouth so dry?
  31. Alright me first, I like the way he thinks.
  32. Should I tell him I do that thing. Nah, he’ll figure it out.
  33. We really should have put a towel down, whateves I’m too drunk to care.
  34. Okay, gotta show him I’m a BJ ~goddess.~
  35. Wait he’s shaved?! No guys at my school are shaved?! I hate everything and feel like a wooly mammoth now.
  36. He’s actually kinda big. Should I high five him for that?
  37. What are those noises? Are those good? Bad?
  38. Definitely good.
  39. Oh wow, it’s already morning?
  40. What time is it?
  41. Wow, my breath smells like dick and broken dreams.
  42. I need to sneak out of this room before our friends find us.
  43. Omg does one of his high school sports tees count as a shack shirt?!
  44. Wait someone is up. Should I fake sleeping?
  45. HIS BEST FRIEND GAVE HIM KNUCKS, is there no privacy here?!
  46. And what the hell, what about my knucks?
  47. I need to bolt ASAP. Thanks for the dick, kinda.
  48. Gotta gently wake up homegirl on the couch.
  49. “Hey bitch, wanna get McDonald’s breakfast?”

At least a bacon, egg and cheese McGriddle won’t judge you like everyone else in this town.

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