Just like actual breakups, a breakup from a friend hurts. At some point, we all lose someone in our lives whose friendship means everything to us. Sometimes we have a good reason to cut ties, and sometimes we don’t. And oftentimes, it’s easier to play the victim than to admit that she walked out of your life because you were a terrible friend to her. This is hard to admit, but acknowledging it is important to both help you move on, and to better yourself moving forward.
1. Realize And Accept Why She’s No Longer Your Friend
Your natural instinct is to be defensive, because, well, you want to defend yourself. It’s easy to catch an attitude and try to explain away your actions, but by doing this, you’re only proving your former friend right. You need to take what she said and really think about it. Analyze whether or not there are any merits to her argument, so you can be a better friend moving forward.
2. Talk To Others About What Happened
It’s nearly impossible to be objective in these situations, so while this step may be painful, you need to gain some honest perspective. Talk to your other friends. They may realize your intentions, but be able to point out to you the way you came across. No, you didn’t think it was a big deal to ditch her for your boyfriend that time, but what you didn’t realize is that you’d actually been doing that every day for months. These are very difficult conclusions to draw on your own, and confronting the other people in your life allows you to make amends with them before your relationship reaches the same outcome.
3. Make A Conscious Effort To Change
Once you accept that there was something you could have done to prevent your falling out, make a conscious effort to change. Do this on your own time, but make sure the people in your life know you’re working to become a more authentic person. Reevaluate who you are and pinpoint exactly where your flaws are, and how you want to improve upon them. Are you bad at communicating your feelings? Do you bottle them all up or explode at any and every opportunity? Do you ditch your friends for your boyfriend? It’s up to you to be self-aware at all times. Now that you’ve been called on your shit because you should be catching it before it happens.
4. Decide If You Want To Apologize
After some soul searching, you probably have some perspective on the whole thing, and you can see that it wasn’t quite what you that it was. Maybe you realize that your friendship wasn’t actually built upon any form of closeness, or maybe you realize now that your former friend had some flaws of her own. It’s up to you, at this point, if you think there is something to apologize for, and if you’re ready to do so. Apologizing to someone isn’t a weakness, it’s a freedom. You no longer have to hold onto the negativity of the relationship. It’s now her choice to decide whether or not to forgive. At the very least, this will give you both a sense of closure and understanding, even if the relationship is not repaired.
5. Move On
The final step is to move on with your life. If you’ve done everything above, you should feel no guilt about moving on with or without your friend. You’ve seen yourself through her eyes, you became a more authentic person, and you realized how much she matters to you, and done your best to smooth things over. While the decision to come back into your life is still hers, this can at least finish the healing process, and alleviate any awkwardness if you’re hanging out in a group. Letting go will make things easier for everyone. .