If you’re sexually active and you have a vagina, it’s pretty safe to assume that you’ve given a blow job. It’s also safe to assume that you might not have loved it. Sure, you’ll go down on a guy
in order to get something in return because you really like him, but five minutes in and you are hoping he’ll just come already. The fear of the blow job is spreading faster than E. coli at Chipotle and with every oral horror story, giving head is getting a reputation worse than the standards chair with a stick up her ass. If you are like most girls and dread the moment a guy, ever so delicately, shoves your head down to his head, I am here to help. Here are easy solutions to some common problems that will help you learn to love the BJ. Or you know, at least not hate it.
1. “Balls gross me out.”
This is all a matter of perception. If you think of balls as wrinkly flabs of skin that weirdly hang there, obviously you aren’t going to want to put them in your mouth. Playing with the balls is honestly one of the best parts about giving head. Think of the balls more like a water balloon. And think of water balloons as something fun you do in the summer when you’re not giving blow jobs. Stop thinking about what you are supposed to think about the balls and start having a little fun.
2. “Blow jobs make my jaw hurt.”
No one said you have to sprint the marathon. If you are going your hardest for a super long time, you’re probably not going to have any fun. Take a break by playing with the balls, switching to a quick handy, or discussion where you stand in your relationship. Another tip to avoid the locked jaw syndrome is to start off slow and get yourself warmed up. If you tease him a little by going slow, he’ll be begging for more and you’ll be ready to be the sex goddess you tell your friends you are.
3. “He’s too big and I have a gag reflex.”
First of all, congratulations. There is nothing worse than psyching yourself up to give head only to find that he has a micro-penis. The best tip (no pun intended) that I ever got about blow jobs is to make a fist with your thumb under your fingers if you think you are about to gag. For some reason, this will stop you from gagging and allow you to go so much deeper. I don’t know the science behind this magical trick, but I do know it works like a charm.
4. “I make weird slurping sounds.”
Own those slurping sounds. If you’ve ever watched porn (admit it, you have), you have heard the sounds that those girls make. It sounds like they are enjoying giving the guy the ol’ slurp and tug when in reality they’re probably just thinking about the episode of Sex and the City that they have DVR’d. Look at your guy’s face when you’re blowing him, I guarantee he does not think the noises you are making are weird.
5. “Do I have to swallow?”
Use these tricks, have fun and tell us how it goes. No really. We want details..
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