50 Shapes of Grey: New S&M-Inspired Workout

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Nice Move

When I read 50 Shades of Grey, my first thought was “If only there were a workout specifically tailored to help me do all the things Anastasia does with Christian.” Kidding, I didn’t read 50 Shades, and my first thought on it was “Why is it so revolutionary that people are masturbating, and why do we need to discuss it further than ‘Yes, I do’ or ‘No, I don’t admit to it?’” From my understanding, most girls viewed the read as a one-time turn-on. The scenes were exciting to them in the moment, but consisted of stuff they’d never consider participating in with an actual guy, because that would be really weird. Of course, there are plenty of people who got creepily into it.

Fitness expert Kristen James (no relation to E.L. James) is a prime example. She thought she needed an excuse for having read the literotica so many times (I’m speculating here), so she developed a fitness routine called “50 Shapes of Grey,” based roughly on Ana and Christian’s sexcapades throughout the trilogy. 50 shapes? Intriguing. I’m hoping to be in whichever of those 50 shapes makes my clavicles stand out by spring.

James “went through the book, chapter by chapter, and went through the moves and developed exercises,” she explained in an interview. There are thirteen exercises with names like “dirty diamond” and…ready for it? “Sexy scissor.” Gross.

I was confused about how exercises, intended to get you in shape, could be made sexy. When I watched the video, I realized they weren’t, but the illusion of sexiness was there. There is porno music playing in the background, the instructor uses a sultry voice, it is suggested to incorporate kegels into the routine, and it seems like there is a mandatory yoga pants rule. Aside from that, the actual exercises seem relatively normal. Still, the workout boasts “S&M-inspired routines” that will “bring the self-confidence you need for a ’50 Shades’-style bedroom session,” so perhaps the actual class gets a little raunchier than what is shown in the video.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Huffington Post

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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