51 Signs That You’re A Really Bad Driver


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Nice Move


Everyone texts and drives. You can deny it to the cop that pulled you over all you want but let’s be honest, Siri just never gets your message quite right. That being said, texting and driving doesn’t make you a bad driver. Does it make you careless? Maybe. However, if you do any (or if you’re me, all) of these things while your vehicle is moving, it doesn’t matter how many times you deny it, you’re a terrible fucking driver.

  1. You frequently take selfies.
  2. You put one foot up on the dashboard.
  3. You turn around to talk to someone in the backseat.
  4. You pregame while driving to the party.
  5. You think it’s okay to drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade while driving.
  6. Or FourLoco.
  7. Or “Not Your Father’s Root Beer.”
  8. Because they aren’t “real alcohol.”
  9. You stick your head out the window while the car is moving.
  10. Or the sunroof.
  11. You blast music so loud you can’t hear yourself think.
  12. You play air Rock Band while driving.
  13. Including but not limited to head banging and a two hands-necessary air guitar.
  14. You try and paint your nails while you drive.
  15. You try and put mascara on while you drive.
  16. You watch Netflix.
  17. Or watch music videos.
  18. You make out with the guy riding shotgun.
  19. Or try and give him a casual hand job.
  20. You try and tease your hair.
  21. You drive in heels over three inches.
  22. I’m talking the stripper stilettos your mom keeps attempting to throw out whenever you visit home.
  23. You try and do math homework on the steering wheel.
  24. You try and maneuver up next to the hot guys in the car ahead of you.
  25. You’ve raced someone in a rival sorority.
  26. Even though they don’t know you are racing.
  27. You have hit a bicyclist.
  28. Or a pedestrian.
  29. Well not hit but just given them a “love tap.”
  30. Or maybe you did actually hit them.
  31. You’ve gotten more than three speeding tickets.
  32. You’ve been involved in one or more car accidents.
  33. You’ve rear ended someone while stopped at a red light.
  34. Which doesn’t actually count because you “just rolled forward.”
  35. You’ve been in heated arguments while driving.
  36. Possibly via FaceTime.
  37. Or with someone in the car next to you.
  38. You’ve driven post-breakup.
  39. And had a literal mental breakdown while on the road.
  40. You’ve threatened to pull the car over when your boyfriend is being drunk and annoying.
  41. Or threatened to stop in the middle of the road.
  42. Which you actually have.
  43. You eat anything that requires two hands.
  44. Examples include snow cones, large burritos, footlong sandwiches.
  45. People frequently honk at you because sometimes you forget green means go.
  46. You drive with your knees.
  47. You’ve asked the person riding shotgun to hold the wheel.
  48. You’ve smoked a joint.
  49. You’ve changed clothes.
  50. Not surfer change but like totally strip down pants and all.
  51. You agreed to everything on this list because like, they’re not that bad.

Now put your phone down because the light in front of you is probably green.

Image via Shutterstock

My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. blondeboozy@gmail.com xo

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