58 Signs He’s The Crazy One


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Nice Move


Girls have a bad rap. Ever since Eve ate the fruit and blood starting spilling from our insides, it seems that we’ve gotten the bad end of the stick. Unrealistic beauty standards, having to give birth, heels — it all sucks. But one of the worst things we got with the lady package? Being called “crazy.” More often than not in a failed relationship, we’re called a psycho and get dumped. Yay. But it turns out, we’re not always the ones who should join the crazies at an asylum. Every once in awhile, it really isn’t you, it’s him. Here are a few sure signs that he’s the crazy one. Because honestly? You knew you weren’t the problem.

  1. He knows your ex’s name before you told him your ex’s name.
  2. And he miiiiight have added him on Facebook.
  3. He looks through your phone.
  4. And he always asks who texted you whenever you get a message.
  5. Snapchat? You’re not allowed to have one of those.
  6. Or be friends with guys on any form of social media.
  7. Still have your ex’s number? Ha HA! Not for long.
  8. You know that really cute dress you have? The tight one that makes your boobs look on point? Yeah. He doesn’t like you wearing it.
  9. Or wearing anything too revealing.
  10. He gets mad when you get drunk. And not because you turn into a bitch or cheat on him or whatever. He just doesn’t like it.
  11. He tries to catch you in lies, even when you’re not lying.
  12. But for some reason he’s always shady about his whereabouts, his past, and that girl who Snapchats him all day every day.
  13. He’s voting for Trump.
  14. Or he gets in heated political battles with people from his high school on Facebook.
  15. Whenever he goes to the gym and you don’t, he throws a judgmental look at your chubby legs and asks “are you sure?”
  16. He accuses you of things that you’re literally not doing.
  17. Because no. You’re not still talking to your third grade boyfriend. And no, you’re not still in love with him. And no, you don’t think that things would have worked out if he hadn’t pushed you down in the mud and held hands with your best friend.
  18. He doesn’t return the favor.
  19. And he expects you to have sex with him whenever he wants. And if you say no? He pouts.
  20. Facebook statues are still something he’s passionate about.
  21. He doesn’t let you go out without him.
  22. Or have friends who are guys.
  23. Or a life.
  24. The fact that he “doesn’t let” you do something in general.
  25. He leaves you voicemails like a fucking psycho.
  26. Or texts you thirty times in a row when you don’t answer him.
  27. Games. So many games.
  28. He says “I love you” before he knows how to spell your name.
  29. Or he says “I hate you” when he’s drunk. Because you know, mature.
  30. He tells you what to eat, when to eat, or how to eat.
  31. Even though you really don’t care if fries are bad for you.
  32. He doesn’t “believe” in period sex.
  33. And he says that the female orgasm is a myth.
  34. He wears a football jersey on a date that does not involve football.
  35. Or he takes you on a date involving football.
  36. He eats your leftovers.
  37. That past you have? The one where you slept with other people or loved someone before him? He can’t accept it.
  38. And he constantly makes you feel bad about everyone you were with before him.
  39. He called your dad “dude.”
  40. And said your mom was hot.
  41. He hides things from you.
  42. And accuses you of being paranoid. Even though he always takes his phone with him into the shower and has like fifteen security locks.
  43. He calls you any degrading name.
  44. I don’t care how pissed he is that you spilled your foundation all over his bathroom. That doesn’t give him the right to call you a bitch.
  45. He’s weirdly insecure about his penis size.
  46. He thinks that he should be dating a 10, even though he’s only a 6.
  47. You family doesn’t like him.
  48. Neither do your friends.
  49. He makes fun of you. But not in a cute way. In a mean way.
  50. Every time you go out together, the night ends in a fight.
  51. And you find yourself crying more than laughing.
  52. He kept a gift from his ex. And he made sure you knew that it was from his ex.
  53. Even though he made you get rid of everything your exes ever came in contact with.
  54. Instead of wanting to tell him things, you do your best to hide things from him.
  55. He never lets you pick what to watch. Ever.
  56. If you piss him off, he’ll happily give you the silent treatment until you “learn your lesson.”
  57. You know. Like you’re a dog or something.
  58. And despite your charm, your beauty, and your deep love for pizza and alcohol, he doesn’t appreciate just how much of a catch you really are.

His loss.

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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