6 Guys You’ll Call Creepy Because They’re Not Hot


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James walked up to you at the library and asked you if he could borrow your pink highlighter, because he needed a second color to coordinate his notes. You gave him a dirty look, and a half smile, and pass him your highlighter, when he has the NERVE to ask you where he knows you from. “Did you take Psych 101 with Wolff last semester?” Oh my God, why does this guy remember your life? What a fucking creep.


This is Rob. He’s really smart and funny, and you just happened to be in his general vicinity when his team scored at the sports bar. The whole room went wild, and he turned to you to give you a high five. You slowly and begrudgingly high-fived him, while giving him a dirty look, and then rolled your eyes to your friends. Ummm, okay, creepo. Boundaries much? Who said you could touch me?


Say hello to Tim everybody. He’s an old friend you lost touch with from high school. You were always super platnoic, and had a lot to talk about, but you haven’t talked in like two years. You tweeted “I think I’m maybe the ugliest human alive.” Tim replied “Oh, stop. You know you’re cute.” He didn’t use any emojis or anything. Didn’t even say anything sexual. If he were hot, this would be the exact response you were looking for. But a compliment from creepy fucking Tim was NOT the kind of sexual attention you were looking for.


Greg walked up to you at the bar with all the confidence in the world and started chatting you up. Ugh. Creepy. In what world does HE think he has a chance with YOU. Gross. So he orders you a drink, which you accept, but then he just KEEPS hanging around you like some kind of weirdo. Please buzz all the way off, dude. You could NOT be more clear about how not interested you are in him.


Dan’s a really smart guy from your Computer Science, and frankly, he’s probably never spoken to a girl in his life. He’s very sweet, but uhhh, super creepy. Imagine your surprise when he tries to strike up a conversation with you “about the homework.”


Jay came up to you at the gym to ask if you were done using this machine. Ummmmmmmm. Okay, creepo. Does it LOOK like I’m done using this machine. You’ll know I’m done when I’m no longer on it. The audacity.

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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