I’ve heard a lot of ridiculous things in my day, but this goes above and beyond to take the cake, which apparently I should be busy in the kitchen baking. Raylan “I swear I’m not a white trash stripper” Alleman posted 6 Reasons (+2) to NOT Send Your to College. Well, I’m a girl, so I’m obviously bad at math, but I’m pretty sure a more concise title for this would involve the number 8. However, an editor’s note informs me that two more reasons were recently added to the list, since 6 just weren’t enough.
The blog “Fix the Family” firmly believes parents should never send their darling daughters off in search of higher education. The author of this particular post is not even talking about keeping women in the kitchen; he’s talking about keeping them in the home, permanently. While I understand wanting to keep your daughter out of harm’s way, an education is hardly harmful. When you consider that our brains are SO much smaller, it seems none but beneficial to try to educate us for our own protection. It seems, though, that the only head your interested in is your own, and I’m talking about the little one. Where do you think girls learn to become good wives, anyway? We don’t spend all of our time in college studying (OBVIOUSLY, because no one wants a girl who’s too smart for her own good).
When Raylan isn’t busy stripping thinking college is meant to be a homoerotic experience, he’s focusing on how women must submit to their husbands. Look, submission can be sexy, but that’s only on special occasions. Sounds like Raylan’s been a little too involved with James Deen videos to me. My first reaction, obviously was, “I can’t even,” because this situation makes it extremely difficult to even, but I soldiered on to bring you a takedown. I’m going to be honest, Ray, I get offended when people drop the TL;DR tag on me, but now I understand. The average age of marriage in the United States is steadily rising (there’s no hope), so what are girls supposed to do until their hubby comes along? Just straight chill? That sounds so boring. Plus, divorce (I hate to say) is very real. Having zero education to fall back on when your husband leaves you and your children for a dumber, younger gal can really screw things up.
Oh, I forgot. You don’t believe in divorce. Let’s talk death (always a morbid treat). If a woman becomes a widow, how is she supposed to support her family? Raylan has a response: live off of insurance for the rest of your life. It seems like he doesn’t like nice things, or maybe he just can’t afford them, because he has no clue how much being a person actually costs. Not having nice things is NF, Raylan.
Raylan goes on to say that women should only be homemakers. Let me be clear here, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a homemaker, or aspiring to be one. There is, however, something entirely wrong with taking the opportunity for your daughter to choose her own life away, simply because you decided what she should be when she grows up. It’s like making your daughter join the family business, only the business is doing nothing with her life until Prince Charming comes along and rescues her from her glass castle of purity.
Raylan believes in “women making wise prudent choices for themselves.” Women learn how to make these choices in college. Yes, we make lots of wrong choices in search of the right ones, but that’s part of growing up. Raylan says girls shouldn’t be sexually promiscuous, and that’s what happens if they go to school. Real talk: it sucks (pun intended) that college has become a beacon of hook-up culture, because it means once we graduate we don’t know how to date and become emotionally attached to d-bags who lie to get us into bed. However, slut-shaming gets old real fast. You have to realize that it’s great when girls can be entirely honest about wanting to slam just as badly as boys do. Who is Raylan to tell people when they can bone and can’t bone? Who is he to prevent people from having sex by keeping women out of college? More importantly, and, I can’t be sure, because I’m a woman, but I hear that penetration happens places other than college campuses on a pretty regular basis, because that’s how babies are made, and TONS of the trashy girls from my high school got pregnant without college.
Raylan says that, “Getting a college degree often makes a young lady feel an ‘obligation’ to use it, to make money.” Well, Ray Ray, I have to agree. It sucks for women to feel like they have to work. I would rather just chill at the pool all day, tan, drink, and go out. Wait, I did that…in college. In the real world, however, a girl has to bring in some dough to survive, and a career is what makes that happen. I’m going to be honest with you, working a 9 to 5 sucks, but I had four years of fabulous fun to prepare for it. Plus, if I didn’t work, what would I do all day? There’s only so much Netflix a girl can watch, and if I spent all my time at the beach I would burn and wrinkle, and no one wants to start botox early. While being a trophy wife sounds glamorous, I’m pretty sure my brain would deteriorate from lack of use, but it sounds like it’s better that way for you, because you’re not so bright yourself.
Here are the reasons NOT to send your daughter to college in all their glory:
“She will attract the wrong types of men.”
There are plenty of douchenozzles in college, sure, but there are also plenty in the world in general. In fact, in college you meet the right kind of men because it’s more than likely they’re from a similar background, which sounds like a match made in heaven to me. If a girl hasn’t gone to college, she’ll attract similar gentlemen. While I’m sure nice one exists, marrying Chuck, the gas station attendant who’s in love with me, seems like it could be kind of a stretch, compatability-wise.
“She will be in a near occasion of sin…People [will all be] living together without the supervision of parents at the most sexually charged state of life they will experience. Is a degree worth the loss of your daughter’s purity, dignity, and soul?”
I’m going to ask my parents every day from now until eternity if my education was worth the loss of my soul. Oddly enough, I’m pretty sure I still have my dignity and soul, although I’m not quite sure my purity is entirely intact. However, I’ve been thinking lately about telling guys I’m saving myself for marriage to ensure a ring, so maybe Ray’s got some good thinking going for him. Keeping your daughter out of college might mean she’s not getting penetrated by educated gentleman, but who’s to stop Ralph, the farmboy from down the street, from putting it in when you aren’t looking? I mention a farm because this whole situation seems very 1800s to me.
“She will not learn to be a wife and mother.”
I’ve been over this before with the crazies at Elite Daily, but being in a sorority prepared me for domestic life in a serious way, whether it comes to cooking, crafting, or caring for someone young and naive, like your little. Learning how to be a person prepares you to care for little nuggets far more than hiding out at home ever could.
“It could be a near occasion of sin for the parents.”
To afford a college education, parents will be forced to have fewer children to afford an education, which means they will use contraception to prevent pregnancy. All parents who put their daughters through college will inevitably sin. It’s weird, though, because I have a degree, and my mother wasn’t streetwalking for me to get it, and I’m almost positive my father didn’t turn to gambling to pay the tuition bill, but it sounds like Raylan knows some sketchy folks. If you’re so morally bankrupt, what’s going to stop you from pursuing those activities to send your son to school? Sounds like Raylan’s friends are just looking for a little excitement to me.
“She will regret it.”
If I thought about it, I’m sure I would regret lots of things about my college experience, from the wrong boys, to the wrong friends, to nights out that ended ridiculously badly, but in the end, I don’t regret anything, because it literally was the best four years of my life. I regret absolutely nothing about college and never will, and I’ll always look back on it as an experience that made me who I am today. In fact, the only thing I regret is reading this article in full, because it made me absolutely disgusted that some poor guy’s daughter will be forced to grow up in an archaic household where she’s taught it’s not okay to think for herself. Well, Raylan, I saw that you live in Louisiana, and I would absolutely love to babysit sometime. After all, homemaking is all girls are good for, and leading your lovely daughter into a life of sin sounds like a good time to this college grad.
Nice Move242
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Fleur de Lilly
Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.
@margaretabrams
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