6 Reasons You Should Befriend An Entire Fraternity


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As much as we like to pretend boys are the worst aspect of this planet, we know damn well we couldn’t survive without them. I mean, yes, reproductive-wise, but for other key reasons as well. That’s why it’s important to keep at least a few in your life. Actually, the more the merrier. You should ideally have an entire fraternity of men as your disposal. Not for sex, or love, or anything like that, but because these men can offer advantages that your sisters or love-interests can’t. Letting an entire chapter know that you’re their biggest fan and you love each and every one of them has its perks. Here’s why you should befriend an entire fraternity:

  1. So you always have a place to sleep when you’re too drunk to go home.
    No one wants to be the girl that barges in at 2 a.m. stomping like an elephant while your roommate is fast asleep. Not to mention, you run the risk of judgement from people who can’t believe you “got that drunk” again. Guess who doesn’t give a fuck how drunk and loud you are? Your favorite fraternity, that’s who. In fact, at 2 a.m., they’re probably definitely still awake and partying. They’ve got multiple couches for you to choose from when you wanna sleep, and if you’re lucky they might even invite you to hungover breakfast in the morning. If it wasn’t for their secret pledging activities, you’d probably just move in.
  2. So you can throw up in their house without them getting pissed at you.
    It’s inevitable that, with the quantity and combination of alcohol you drink on a typical night out, your stomach isn’t always going to agree with your habits. Worst case, you feel yourself becoming sick and don’t have the time to make it to the bathroom. A normal fraternity would freak out on you for vomiting in their house by kicking you out, which they probably should, because puking in the first place is incredibly obnoxious. But not your favorite fraternity. They almost expect you to do this every once and a while, a courtesy which you should return by giving yourself time to make it to a toilet.
  3. So you’re never left scrambling for a formal date.
    Sure, it’s every girl’s dream to go to formal with her boyfriend or love interest at the time, but sometimes that dream is far from reality. You wait until two days before formal with high hopes that love will come knocking on your door, only to completely strike out. Thankfully, you can go visit your fraternity besties and suddenly have plenty of eligible dates at your fingertips. Your options are so plenty that you can pick them based on whose friends will match up well with your dateless sorority sisters.
  4. So you always know you’ll be attending another formal besides your own.
    On the flip side, one of them is bound to wait until the last minute to find a formal date. You’ve already picked out a dress months prior and like clockwork, your phone rings the night before the event and you wind up snagging one of the guys. Thankfully you didn’t already have plans that night (because you’ve had the date in your planner since the beginning of the semester).
  5. So you know that a large group of men have your back.
    It’s tough to be a girl in this world. Men ripping at your heart strings left and right, without an aptly located biological brother to tell you what to do. That’s when you can go to your group of fraternity friends and ask them questions about their species. Their blunt honesty might be a tad overwhelming in comparison to your female friends’ careful wording, but you’ll thank them later when you don’t waste months with worthless men who are only sticking around to get in your pants.
  6. So you never have to worry about not having drinking plans.
    It’s a given that at least of a few of the guys in the fraternity are drinking on any given night of the week. So if you’ve got your priorities straight and your schedule opens up on a Tuesday for some harmless boozing, you don’t have to worry about convincing one of your sisters to hit up a bar with you. You text one of the guys, if they haven’t already invited you, and before you know it, shots are lined up and all is well in the world.


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Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was. Send inquires about her sanity to: brionna346@gmail.com

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