7 Hilariously Impractical Ways To Pay Your Dues


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Dues. Some people love them, some people hate them. Just kidding! Everyone hates them. But every semester, treasurers across the nation come knocking on your dorm door, prepared to suck your soul and your bank account dry. After logging into my own bank account last week and practically going into cardiac arrest, I’ve taken it upon myself to think of (un)practical ways to pay my dues. There are the normal options, such as getting a job as a waitress or retail associate. But honestly, who has the time and schedule to allow for such average jobs? Here are flexible, semi-realistic options that will ensure that you don’t get sent to standards. For late dues, at least.

1. Sell Your Old Vera Bradley Bags

If you are currently in a sorority, there is a high chance that you were, at some point, a skinny tween bitch toting around a Vera Bradley bag that perfectly matched the rubber bands on your braces. I personally have an entire box full of barely used but much loved paisley patterned totes. It’s time to pass these on to the next generation of sorority-girls-in-training. Let them make their own mistakes, and make some cash while you are at it.

2. Get a Boyfriend

This one is a no-brainer, but it does require some emotional investment and sacrifice on your part. And no, he won’t actually pay your dues, but you’ll save money elsewhere while he buys dinner, gifts, a new Netflix account, etc.

3. Get a Sugar Daddy

I can’t say I have done much research into this option, but it seems like a ~sweet~ deal. It’s much classier than becoming a prostitute, and it’s also not a felony, which is an added bonus. This also comes with the option to get a stipend for things beyond your dues. Clothes, shoes, fancy dinners, cars. You name it, and you can have it.

4. Become a Stripper

This one falls many, many notches below having a sugar daddy or a boyfriend. Luckily, it requires much less commitment and offers convenient hours. It’s legal, easy, and gives you a tiny ounce of motivation to go work out. Overall, it’s not ideal, but could be a solid option if all else fails.

5. Rebrand Natty Light as a Craft Beer

This one may take some scheming, but with the proper technique, this could bring home the big bucks. With some sneaky artistry, a nice label maker, and a clever name, you can turn this watery excuse for beer into an authentic, small-batch beer company. It’ll look so good that no one will think to question the disgusting flavor. I mean, that’s the way craft beer is supposed to taste, right?

6. Make an Etsy Store

Again, this option takes a lot of crafting. But there’s only one thing Greeks love more than cheap beer: t-shirts. Find a basic tee, slap a fancy label on it, and sell it for five times the amount you purchased it for. Double that price if you can offer a monogram option!

7. Trademark The Sorority Squat

This may be the least practical of the list, but think of the opportunity that this option holds. Any time an Instagram goes up of some girl bent over a little, hands on her knees, blinding white smile plastered on her face, you get a little money in the bank. Even better is that this squat is a favorite of group photos. You’ll practically be rolling in money.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can pay your sorority dues. And that’s pretty much the same thing, right?

Image via Shutterstock

PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at PSLandPearlsTSM@gmail.com (note the single PSL).

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